Falling from Cloud Nine
by aussiegleek18
Summary: Rachel moves back to Lima after spending two years in New York with her dad and his physically abusive boyfriend. Finally back safe and sound with her daddy, Rachel has to deal with her past and learn to cope with it. M for Smut in later chapters and Adult Themes. Puckleberry relationship with Hummelberry, Faberry and Pezberry friendships.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N I own nothing! As most of you know, I suffer from depression and after about 5 months of doing really well, I have relapsed and am miserable all the time (fun!), anyways as most of you also know, I like my writing to mean something, to touch people and help people smile again, which includes me at the moment. So, I am writing another depression story that is set in high school and very different from a broken diva, I have never been bashed or abused physically by any one so I am only going by what people have told me what it's like and the general feeling of cutting and depression (which I do know about). It will be a longish multi chapter and kind of set on my original story but since more people read my glee fan fiction I have decided to write it on here. This will have a happy ending because I think everyone who goes through this deserve one! Rachel is also really out of character too. I hope you enjoy guys…**

Chapter 1

Rachel used to live in Lima, Ohio. She used to have Quinn Fabray and Santana Lopez as her best friends; she used to have an amazing, loving boyfriend in Noah Puckerman. She used to have a lot of things up until she turned 15. Then, well then her life fell apart. Her parents Hiram and Leroy divorced and without giving Rachel any time to tell her best friends and boyfriend, Leroy gave Rachel just enough time to pack before he moved himself and Rachel to New York, leaving her daddy and life in Lima behind and because Santana, Quinn and Noah thought she had just abandoned them without telling them, they never answered her calls or replied to her emails. They were mad and hurt, but they didn't realise how much Rachel needed them. Leroy and Rachel left middle way through the summer of freshman year and sophomore year of high school; it only took Leroy until Rachel's second week at her new school to meet another man. Jack was abusive, he was mean and he constantly hit Rachel and Leroy. Even with that, Leroy refused to leave him stating that he loved Jack with everything in his heart. So when Jack told Leroy that Rachel was stopping their relationship from going any further, at 17 and just about to start her junior year, Rachel was put on a plane and back to live with her father who had no idea about the abuse she had suffered at her dad's boyfriends hands.

Stepping into the apartment her father owned and she would now call home, Rachel let herself relax slightly knowing that Jack would never harm her again. All she had to do know was make sure that her dirty, little secrets from the Big Apple stayed in New York.

XXXXX

"I've missed you darling," Hiram smiled at his daughter as the two ate breakfast for the first time together in years,

"I've missed you too daddy, so much," Rachel admitted, reaching out and grabbed onto her daddy's hand, "I'm really sorry that I didn't come and visit…" Rachel whispered not telling him that Jack was behind that as well,

"It's okay darling, you're here now and you're not leaving me again," Hiram promised, "I'm sorry that I didn't fight hard enough for you," Hiram whispered, not missing the stray tear that fell from his daughter's eye and made his heart clench,

"It's okay, you didn't have the money to fight the lawyers dad had hired," Rachel mumbled, knowing how much Hiram had missed her and was punishing himself for letting her go that easily, "But like you said, I'm here now and I promise daddy, I'm not going anywhere," Rachel vowed and Hiram stood up and hugged his daughter tightly,

"I love you Princess," Hiram mumbled and Rachel clung to her daddy just that little bit tighter, loving the way she felt the love that he had for her, something she was not used to feeling or seeing.

"I love you too daddy,"

XXXXX

Locking herself in her room, Rachel walked to her bed side table and opened the bottom draw and took out the false bottom. Glancing at the items she now needed to get through a day, Rachel took out her razor blade, antiseptic spray and bandages before closing the draw again and sat on her bed. Lifting up her skirt, Rachel ran her fingers over her previous cuts, some scars, some still raw and fresh. Picking a spot, Rachel began to slash deep and angry cuts on her upper thigh, high enough that you couldn't see them no matter what she was doing given she had a certain length skirt on. Watching the blood, her blood, rush to the surface before dripping down her leg, Rachel let her tears fall down her face like she did every time she turned to this method of coping, out of all of them, this was the one that she regretted the most but was the hardest to stop. Spraying the spray onto her cuts and not even flinching at the stinging sensation, Rachel bandaged up her cuts and after cleaning her razor blade, pushed down her skirt to cover the evidence and put the things back before placing the false bottom top back into place. Getting dressed into her pyjamas, Rachel got into bed and turned off the light praying that sleep came easily… after all she was about to start her junior year at McKinley High School tomorrow.

XXXXX

Dressed in a white blouse and a short, bright red, pleated skirt that overlapped with her blouse making it sit just around her waist and stopped mid-thigh, a pair of black ballet flats, her hair in natural waves and her make up done naturally, Rachel thought she looked pretty good. Pulling into the car park, Rachel noticed that people were looking at her, probably because Lima was so small anyone could tell when there was a new student. Rolling her eyes, Rachel made her way to the office and received her timetable and locker combination, before heading to place her books away so she didn't have to lug around all the heavy textbooks.

She still had twenty minutes before her first class, so Rachel made her way to underneath the bleachers were she quickly lit up the joint she hadn't had a chance to smoke in the morning, (one of the many things in her bottom draw) and nearly moaned when she got her first hit of the day. Quickly finishing it up, Rachel was relaxed and headed to her first class of the day, Spanish.

XXXXX

"Guys we have a new student today," Mr Shuester announced to the class even though Mr Shuester couldn't see the new girl.

"Sorry I'm late," Rachel rushed out, " My locker wouldn't open," She lied easily, before taking a seat in the front row, now noticing the three shocked faces that were sitting in the back row.

"Rachel is it?" Mr Shuester smiled and she nodded, "Why doesn't you stand up here and tell us something about yourself?"

"It's fine," Rachel assured him but Mr Shuester was nothing if not persistent so she stood up and made her way to the front, it was then that she saw the faces of Quinn, Santana and Noah. Pushing down the nervousness that suddenly came into her stomach, Rachel began to speak, "My name is Rachel Berry, I used to live in Lima until I was 15 but then my parents split up and I didn't get a chance to tell my friends and boyfriend what happened and only enough time to pack and move to New York with my dad." Rachel explained and Quinn, Santana and Noah instantly felt guilty for cutting Rachel so easily out of their lives without letting her explain, "Now I'm back to live with my daddy and-"

"Wait I thought you moved with your dad to New York?" A red head girl asked and Rachel nodded,

"I have two gay dads," She responded before adding, "If you have a problem with it let me just make one thing clear, I used to live in New York… I will not hesitate to cut you," Rachel threaten and even the jocks who were about to say something closed their mouths,

"Well thank you Rachel for that, take a seat," Mr Shuester mumbled and Rachel nodded retaking her place next to a now frightened brunette boy.

XXXXX

Just as Rachel had sat down with her lunch underneath the bleachers which was now her favourite spot in the whole entire school, Rachel felt like someone was staring at her only to look up and find it was two people staring at her.

"You're back," Quinn whispered and Rachel nodded,

"Yep," Rachel mumbled before adding dryly, "Miss me?"

"So much," Santana told her and Rachel laughed an un-humorous laugh,

"Please," Rachel rolled her eyes, "That's a lie and we both know it,"

"We didn't know," Quinn offered weakly, ashamed of her younger self,

Swallowing her food, Rachel stood up angrily,

"As my best friends it was your job to ask!" Rachel yelled, "I never would have just left you guys if I had a choice and it always hurt me the most to know that you guys thought that of me," Rachel said a little bit quieter, before snorting, "You two are such sell outs,"

"Excuse me?" Santana asked not liking how bad Rachel was making her feel even if she deserved it,

"We all vowed never to become cheerleaders, never to fight to popular, to waste our high school years being petty little bitches like the girls who used to tease us in middle school and freshman year of high school did," Rachel exclaimed, "Look what you're dressed in, I suppose one of you is head cheerleader?" Rachel asked staring at their cheerleading uniforms.

"We are both co-captains," Quinn mumbled feeling slightly sick to her stomach,

After Rachel left the girls didn't have the glue that kept them together, the back bone even if they were both tough. So, Santana and Quinn joined the cheeiro's and became the two most popular girls in the school to ease the ache of losing their best friend.

"And Noah…" Rachel spat out his name, hurt with him the most, he was meant to have loved her, "Is a fucking jock! Football I'm guessing," Rachel yelled,

"Wide receiver," Santana told her and Rachel crossed her arms,

"Yes I'm back in Lima and yes I'm here to stay… but before you can ask, no, we aren't and never will be friends again," Rachel told the girls harshly before walking around them and off to her last class of the day.

XXXXX

With her dad still at work, Rachel sat in the middle of the lounge room after school and went through her music sheets, the one thing that had still stayed the same after just under two years of abuse, it was the one thing that kept her sane and made her generally happy… if it was just for a while. Even after all this time, she still had plans to make it into the music business so she needed to make sure her voice was always pitch perfect. After selecting her song for the day, Rachel stood up and after warming up began to sing,

_**Every day I sit here waiting  
Everyday just seems so long  
And now I've had enough of all the hating  
Do we even care, it's so unfair  
Any day it'll all be over  
Every day there's nothing new  
And now I just try to find some hope  
To try and hold onto  
But it starts again  
It'll never end**_

I'm heavily broken  
And I don't know what to do  
Can't you see that I'm choking  
And I can't even move  
When there's nothing left to say  
What can you do  
I'm heavily broken  
And there's nothing I can do

Almost giving up on trying  
Almost heading for a fall  
And now my mind is screaming out  
I've gotta keep on fighting  
But then again  
It doesn't end

I'm heavily broken  
And I don't know what to do  
Can't you see that I'm choking  
And I can't even move  
When there's nothing left to say  
What can you do?  
I'm heavily broken  
And there's nothing I can do  
And there's nothing I can do

Feels like I'm drowning  
I'm screaming for air  
(Screaming for air)  
Louder I'm crying  
And you don't even care

I'm heavily broken  
And I don't know what to do  
Can't you see that I'm choking  
And I can't even move  
(What can I do)  
When there's nothing left to say  
What can you do  
I'm heavily broken

I'm heavily broken  
And I don't know what to do  
Can't you see that I'm choking  
And I can't even move  
When there's nothing left to say  
What can you do  
I'm heavily broken

_**[x3]**_

Rachel knew needed help but she was ashamed, she didn't want anyone to know about her demons. About the abuse, the drugs and the self- harm. She also knew that she couldn't keep going down this road…

**A/N Like it? Review guys and give me your thoughts on where you'd like to see this going! REVIEWS :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N I own nothing! Second chapter guys thanks for all the support :)**

Chapter 2

Rachel hated school. She hated having to see Santana and Quinn walking around with the popular girls, laughing and bitching at the kids in the glee club, she hated seeing Noah making out with random girls against his locker which happened to be three lockers down from hers. She hated how he slushied the weak and all of the kids in the glee club, she was surprised that he hadn't thrown an icy drink in her face yet… being the new girl with two gay parents and all and having the knowledge that he gives into peer pressure…

_Some bad ass_, Rachel thought sarcastically.

The one thing that the popular kids, including Noah, Santana and Quinn, all hated was the glee club. So, wanted to give them even less of a reason to want to try and make up their wrong doings to her (even though Noah had yet to even try and contact her after three days of being at McKinley,) Rachel decided she was going to join the schools glee club, New Directions.

XXXXX

"Can you even sing?" The girl from her science class, Mercedes Jones, asked bitchily,

"For a club who needs members to keep going, you aren't doing a good job of trying to keep them." Rachel snapped at the bigger girl and Mercedes shrunk back into her seat,

"My name is Kurt Hummel," A feminine looking boy smiled, "We'd love to hear you sing," He added and Rachel smiled and nodded her head,

"I'd love to," Rachel grinned and walked over to the piano player, whispering in his ear the song she had chosen, "Normally this song is a pop song but I've decided to do a stripped down version," Rachel told the group and Mr Shuester smiled as he watched the girl performing… she took his breath away.

_**I'm wide awake  
I'm wide awake**_

I'm wide awake  
Yeah, I was in the dark  
I was falling hard  
With an open heart  
I'm wide awake  
How did I read the stars so wrong?  
I'm wide awake  
And now it's clear to me  
That everything you see  
Ain't always what it seems  
I'm wide awake  
Yeah, I was dreaming for so long

_**[Pre-Chorus]**__**  
I wish I knew then  
What I know now  
Wouldn't dive in  
Wouldn't bow down  
Gravity hurts  
You made it so sweet  
'Til I woke up on  
On the concrete**_

_**[Chorus]**__**  
Falling from cloud 9  
Crashing from the high  
I'm letting go tonight  
Yeah, I'm falling from cloud 9**_

I'm wide awake  
Not losing any sleep  
I picked up every piece  
And landed on my feet  
I'm wide awake  
Need nothing to complete myself, no

I'm wide awake  
Yeah, I am born again  
Out of the lion's den  
I don't have to pretend  
And it's too late  
The story's over now, the end

_**[Pre-Chorus]**__**  
I wish I knew then  
What I know now  
Wouldn't dive in  
Wouldn't bow down  
Gravity hurts  
You made it so sweet  
'Til I woke up on  
On the concrete**_

_**[Chorus]**__**  
Falling from cloud 9 (it was out of the blue)  
I'm crashing from the high  
I'm letting go tonight (yeah, I'm letting you go)  
I'm falling from cloud 9**_

I'm wide awake  
Thunder rumbling  
Castles crumbling  
I'm wide awake  
I am trying to hold on  
I'm wide awake  
God knows that I tried  
Seeing the bright side  
I'm wide awake  
But I'm not blind anymore...

I'm wide awake  
I'm wide awake

_**[Chorus]**__**  
Yeah, I'm falling from cloud 9 (it was out of the blue)  
I'm crashing from the high  
You know I'm letting go tonight (yeah, I'm letting you go)  
I'm falling from cloud 9**_

I'm wide awake  
I'm wide awake  
I'm wide awake  
I'm wide awake  
I'm wide awake

"Wow," Mr Shuester mumbled under his breath as the rest of the club clapped and cheered, "Welcome to New Directions Rachel," Mr Shuester smiled and Rachel smiled a real smile for the first time at school and not her usual fake one.

XXXXX

The weekend came by quickly and knowing that her dad didn't have that much money, Rachel began looking for a job. Grinning after she walked out of BreadStixs after a successful job interview, Rachel stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Noah and two of his football friends, Finn Hudson and Mike Chang eating lunch on that Sunday afternoon.

Knowing that she had no other way to exit the restaurant without walking past their table, Rachel bowed her head down and was walking past their table when Kelly, the lovely woman who had given her the job, yelled out to her.

"Rachel you forgot your jacket sweetie," Kelly smiled and Rachel's head shot up only to meet the eyes of Noah Puckerman before turning completely around and walked over to Kelly,

"Thank you," Rachel smiled,

"No problems sweetie, I'll see you for your first shift Monday after school," Kelly reminded her and Rachel nodded, before watching the older woman get back to work.

Tensing because she could feel his eyes on her, Rachel turned around, head held high and walked straight out of the restaurant not daring to look behind her.

XXXXX

Slamming her bed room door shut as soon as she arrived home, Rachel locked her door and went straight to her bottom door, tears clouding her vision. Grabbing her razor blade, Rachel sobbed as she cut one deep cut on her thigh, tears streaming down her face at the memory of when she was happy, which felt like so long ago. Watching the blood begin to stream out of her cut, Rachel sprayed the antiseptic spray and bandaged it up before cleaning the razor and putting it back in her 'goody draw' as she liked to call it, even if that draw was slowly killing her.

XXXXX

The next day at school, Rachel walked to her locker and was surprised to find Kurt from glee club leaning against it.

"Hello?" Rachel asked wondering what Kurt wanted,

"You don't have friends around here do you?" Kurt asked not bothering to say hello,

"I don't need friends," Rachel replied as she began to work the lock on her locker,

"Everyone needs at least one friend and you Rachel Berry, have me," Kurt beamed and Rachel found a small smile tug her lips,

"There a worse people I guess," Rachel offered and Kurt knew that he was in, he could tell she was very guarded and the look in her eyes told him she wasn't happy, he had been like that for years before he finally told his accepting dad that he was gay and met his boyfriend Blaine Anderson who attends Dalton Academy… seeing that look in Rachel's eyes, Kurt wanted to help Rachel and he had a feeling she was going to be a good friend to him once she let him in.

XXXXX

It was Tuesday when it happened, when Noah Puckerman threw a red slushy in Rachel's face.

Forbidding herself to cry, Rachel suddenly felt a hand take her hand and looked up to find Quinn leading her to the girl's bathroom.

"I don't need your help," Rachel snapped, trying to wipe the slushy from her eyes,

"He didn't mean it Rachel," Quinn whispered and Rachel screamed making Quinn jump,

"Why are you always defending him? Defending what you three did to me? He meant to slushy me, he didn't just trip and fall… if he did he would have at least stopped but he threw it and kept on walking," Rachel spat in anger,

Just as Quinn was about to say something, Kurt rushed through the doors with a change of clothes in his hands,

"I saw what happened sweetie, I went to Tina and asked her for her gym clothes," Kurt explained handing Rachel Tina's clothes and Rachel smiled up at Kurt,

"Thank you," Kurt smiled before turning to Quinn with a hard glare on her, "You can go now," Rachel spat and Quinn nodded before walking out of the bathroom, tears in her own eyes.

Rachel really hated her and Quinn didn't know if she could deal with that.

"What did Fabray want?" Kurt asked surprised to see a cheerleader helping Rachel,

"Nothing, bitch just got lost on her way to cheerleading practise," Rachel told him and the look in her eye was the only reason why Kurt didn't ask any more questions, he simply nodded and helped her clean up.

XXXXX

"What the fuck was that?" Santana screamed at Puck.

Santana and Quinn had dragged him into a spare classroom during lunch only an hour or so after he had slushied Rachel,

"She joined glee club, the guys would have kicked my ass if I didn't do it," Puck mumbled and Quinn slapped him hard around the face,

"She hates us enough and you, you son of a bitch!" Quinn couldn't even finish what she was going to say and raised her hand to hit him again but Puck caught her wrist as she swung,

"She left us first," Puck spat and Santana hit him upside the head,

"Because she was forced to, we fucked up Puck and we have to try and get her to see how sorry we are, you are not fucking helping!" Santana yelled actually making Puck flinch at the anger in her voice,

There was a long, tense pause,

"Something happened to her in New York," Quinn mumbled, "There's this look in her eyes… she looks so broken," Quinn told them sadly, "We owe her Puck and I know for a fact that you still love that girl so start proving it," Quinn warned before turning on her heel and left Santana and Puck alone in the classroom both not missing the tear that had fallen from the beautiful blonde's eyes,

"For once in your life, please, stop being Puck and start being Noah… her Noah," Santana whispered before leaving Puck alone with his thoughts.

XXXXX

Arriving home from her second shift at BreadStixs, Rachel exhausted. Knowing that her daddy was now asleep, Rachel went to her bottom draw and pulled out a pre rolled joint and headed to the balcony and lit it up. Inhaling, Rachel couldn't stop the tears that fell down her face when she thought of the red coloured stain on her yellow blouse that was now sitting at the bottom of the dumpster at school.

**A/N Like? Review and let me know what you want Puck, Santana and Quinn to do to try and make it up to her… I'm thinking first step, join glee club? REVIEWS :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N I own nothing! Thank you for all the reviews/alerts and favourites! :) Help me get to 50 reviews this chapter? :)**

Chapter 3

Walking into her bedroom a few days after Noah had thrown a slushy on her face; Rachel locked her door and headed to her 'goody' draw and pulled out the only productive thing she had in it, her diary. Flipping to a page for a year ago, Rachel flinched when she saw the blood stain on the page and the tears began to fall even before she had even started reading.

_Dear Diary,_

_He hit me today again. I didn't clean my room up in time and that mixed with a bad day at work… he went off. I'd never been so scared, the look in his eyes, the way he through my dad off of him and into a wall when he tried to protect me… that shocked me the most, my dad actually standing up for me._

Pulling her eyes away from the page, Rachel threw the book as hard as she could as the memory of that day flashed in front of her eyes. She had broken her first rib that day, two actually. Told the doctor she tripped and fell during dance class. Touching her side, Rachel collected her diary that she had thrown, placed it back in her draw and took out her razor blade.

XXXXX

"A joint really Rachel?" Puck asked as he walked over to her and sat a little bit away from her underneath the bleachers,

"Fuck off Puck," Rachel spat as she took another drag from her joint, the one thing that was slowly becoming not enough to relax her anymore,

"What happened to you never swearing?" Puck asked and Rachel took the last drag of her joint before throwing it on the ground and stepping on it angrily pretending it was Noah's head,

"What happened to being a loving boyfriend and not a complete sell out and a man whore?" Rachel barked back and Puck hated how much it hurt knowing she didn't think of him in the way she used to,

"Sorry about the slushy," Puck whispered a few long, tense minutes after Rachel's outburst,

"Screw you Noah Puckerman," Rachel sneered, looking him dead in the eyes with an expression that unnerved Puck before walking away from him.

Puck hated the knowledge that Rachel fucking hated him.

XXXXX

"We have two more members' guys," Mr Shuester smiled as Quinn and Santana walked through the choir room doors,

"What the hell," Mercedes whispered taking in the appearance of what the two head bitches in charge were wearing… or more to the point, not wearing.

"We quit," Quinn offered simply, looking down at the black dress she was wearing and not the cheerio's uniform she was used to wearing.

"Cheerleading wasn't for us… it wasn't us, it never really was," Santana added, eyes looking over at Rachel,

"You have to still audition girls," Mr Shuester reminded them and the girls nodded,

"We used to sing this when with our other best friend before she went away and we became the biggest bitches in the whole school," Quinn told the group, with Rachel already knowing what song they were about to belt out.

"Hit it!" Santana told the band and the music began to play,

_**I've been hearing your heartbeat inside of me  
I keep your photo right beside my bed  
Living' in a world of fantasies  
I can't get you out of my head**_

I've been waiting for the phone to ring all night  
Why you wanna make me feel so good  
I got a love of my own  
Shouldn't get so hung up on you

_**[Chorus]**__****_

I remember the way that we touched I wish I didn't like it so much  
I get so emotional, baby  
Every time I think of you  
I get so emotional, baby

Ain't it shocking what love can do  
Ain't it shocking what love can do

I gotta watch you walk in the room, baby  
I gotta watch you walk out  
I like the animal way you move  
And when you talk I just watch your mouth

_**[chorus]**_

"Welcome girls!" Mr Shuester smiled as everyone but Kurt and Rachel clapped for the newest members of their slowly growing club.

XXXXX

"Rach," Santana whispered and Rachel rolled her eyes,

"The one club I thought you'd never join and you go ahead and take it away from me why?" Rachel yelled and Quinn and Santana flinched,

"We wanted you to see that being your best friend again meant more than being a cheerleader or being popular," Quinn mumbled and Rachel sighed heavily,

"Don't you see it? Don't you get it?" Rachel asked bitterly, "I no longer want or need your friendship," Rachel snapped,

"Rach," Quinn whispered but Rachel cut them off,

"Just leave me alone. You had no problem doing it two years ago… do it again!"

And with that, she was gone.

XXXXX

Quinn, Santana and Puck all sat in the back row of the auditorium as they watched Rachel sing her heart out the morning after the girls had joined glee club.

_**If anyone asks  
I'll tell them we both just moved on  
When people all stare  
I'll pretend that I don't hear them talk  
Whenever I see you I'll swallow my pride and bite my tongue  
Pretend I'm okay with it all  
Act like there's nothing wrong**_

_**[Chorus]**__**  
Is it over yet  
Can I open my eyes  
Is this as hard as it gets  
Is this what it feels like to really cry  
Cry**_

If anyone asks  
I'll tell them we just grew apart  
What do I care if they believe me or not  
Whenever I feel your memory is breaking my heart  
I'll pretend I'm okay with it all  
Act like there's nothing wrong

_**[Chorus]**__****_

I'm talking in circles  
I'm lying, they know it  
Why won't this just all go away

_**[Chorus]**_

After Rachel had stopped singing and made her way off the stage in tears, the three looked at each other.

"Something happened to her in New York," Quinn whispered tears in her eyes after watching Rachel's first and only public breakdown.

"I gotta help my love," Puck whispered the nickname he only ever called Rachel, wiping the tear from his eyes and stood up, leaving Santana and Quinn to sob quietly after the intensity of Rachel's performance.

**A/N REVIEWS :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N I own nothing! A guest review on my Puckleberry One shots complained about the lack of sequels. Yes, even though a lot of people are interested in sequels and wants them, I want them to be good so I haven't updated some of them because I want them to live up to the first one! Also, I have said that I most likely would never do a sequel to 'A Broken Diva' and I am sticking to this. The sequel for 'Married at Sweet Sixteen' will be posted when I am nearly done with 'Easy for a good boy to become good?' because I don't want to have a lot of stories going at once! I would have preferred you PM me with this and not leave it on a review so we could have talked privately! **

**The diary entries are almost always old entries from the past unless it says otherwise and they are from random times over the last 2 years, also to **_**puckme**_** who reviewed Rachel hasn't hit rock bottom yet! She's still got a little more way to fall.**

Chapter 4

_Dear Diary,_

_Jack is an evil man. So evil, I hate him so much and I am beginning to hate my dad for bringing him into my life. How can you stay with someone who hurts you and your daughter every single day? How can you stay with someone as you watch your daughter spend hours and hours before school covering up her visible bruises that he left with stage make up? Why isn't my dad protecting me? I'm alone for the week this week. Dad and Jack are away on a holiday because Jack wants time away from me. I overheard him telling my dad that the reason why he lashes out is because of me, I'm a brat and a good for nothing… well he added another word that I'd rather not repeat. I feel horrible at how relieved I'm feeling, knowing that Jack is probably hitting my dad and finally not hitting me. He's already done so much damage to my body, two months ago he broke my ribs again and just a few days ago the day he and dad left for their holiday, he broke my cheek bone and crack my eye socket. I'm a swollen mess… it hurts to talk and I can't sing for the moment which hurts more than the actual physical pain. _

XXXXX

"First loves," Mr Shuester said as he wrote it on the white board before turning around, "This weeks assignment is to sing about your first love, whether you are still together or not, I want you to tap into the memory of what it was like to fall in love for the very first time," Mr Shuester,

"Who was your first love?" Mercedes asked the group once Mr Shuester got back to reviewing Spanish tests and Quinn spoke first,

"My current boyfriend, Finn, I love him so much,"

"Artie," Tina said softly as she looked at her ex-boyfriend, who had his arm around his current girlfriend Sugar,

"Brittany," Santana told the club and everyone but Rachel smiled at the confirmation of Santana Lopez being gay and in love with her former team mate, "We've been together for a year," She added to make sure everyone knew Brit was off the market,

"Rachel what about you?" Tina asked and Rachel tensed,

"I haven't had my first love yet," Rachel lied through her teeth and everyone accepted that answer except for Quinn and Santana who both knew better.

XXXXX

"You can't rewrite history," Santana said to Rachel as she cornered her former best friend in the Library while Rachel was studying,

"Yes, yes I can," Rachel sneered before adding, "Why am I explaining myself to you?"

"Because no matter what you say, you still care about my opinion," Santana replied, taking a seat from across Rachel, "Like I still and always will care about yours," Santana added softly,

"I've always known you were gay Santana," Rachel mumbled, letting Santana see the old Rachel for a second, "You looked at Quinn and me in a way that girls look at boys… I'm glad you're happy," She added sincerely,

"Why aren't you?" Santana blurted out and Rachel tensed, "And it's not just because of us I know it," Santana added before Rachel could,

"Leave me alone Lopez," Rachel sneered, the old Rachel gone and instantly replaced with the new, angry, bitter and sad Rachel, collecting her books, Rachel stormed out of the library with Santana watching her run away… again.

XXXXX

_Dear Diary,_

_Jack hit me for the first time ever today. It was scary, the look in his eyes. He hit me so hard that I actually was thrown into the wall with such force that it left a small crack on the walls surface. Dad tried to explain and after helping me clean up the cut that had been created on the side of my cheek from the force of the hit, Jack walked into my room and said he was sorry and promising that he would never hit me again. I really hope he's right._

XXXXX

Even though Rachel wasn't going to be singing for the assignment, telling Mr Shuester that she hadn't experience her first love yet, Rachel sat in the empty choir room and began to sing, to sing about how she always wanted her and Noah's relationship to play out. To last forever.

_**You were in college working part time waitin' tables  
Left a small town, never looked back  
I was a flight risk with a fear of fallin'  
Wondering why we bother with love if it never lasts**_

I say "Can you believe it?  
As we're lying on the couch?"  
The moment I can see it.  
Yes, yes, I can see it now.

Do you remember, we were sitting there by the water?  
You put your arm around me for the first time.  
You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter.  
You are the best thing that's ever been mine.

Flash forward and we're taking on the world together,  
and there's a drawer of my things at your place.  
You learn my secrets and you figure out why I'm guarded,  
you say we'll never make my parents' mistakes.

But we got bills to pay,  
we got nothing figured out,  
when it was hard to take,  
yes, yes, this is what I thought about.

Do you remember, we were sitting there, by the water?  
You put your arm around me for the first time  
you made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter  
you are the best thing that's ever been mine.

Do you remember all the city lights on the water?  
You saw me start to believe for the first time  
you made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter  
you are the best thing that's ever been mine.

Oh, oh, oh

And I remember that fight  
Two-thirty AM  
As everything was slipping right out of our hands  
I ran out crying and you followed me out into the street  
Braced myself for the "Goodbye"  
'cause that's all I've ever known  
Then you took me by surprise  
You said, "I'll never leave you alone."

You said,

Rachel couldn't believe it when she heard Noah's voice,

"I remember how we felt sitting by the water  
and every time I look at you, it's like the first time  
I fell in love with a careless man's careful daughter  
she is the best thing that's ever been mine."

Hold on, make it last  
Hold on, never turn back

You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter  
You are the best thing that's ever been mine.  
(Hold on) Do you believe it?  
(Hold on) Gonna make it now.  
(Hold on) I can see it,  
(Yes, yes) I can see it now.

"What are you doing here?" Rachel demanded, turning her head to wipe away the tears that were forming,

"I'm so fucking sorry," Puck whispered with some much emotion in his voice, so much regret, sadness and love.

"Go away Puck," Rachel told him and Puck shook his head, instead he walked closer to her,

"Why are you so sad my love?" Puck whispered Rachel's nickname and that set her off, she lost it, all the tears and the heart ache she had felt for this man poured out, she cried.

Wrapping his arms around her, Rachel instantly pushed him away from her,

"Don't touch me," She growled and wrapped her arms around herself,

She hated him, she had to hate him!

"Rachel," Puck whispered,

"Go!" Rachel screamed before getting her things and sprinting from the choir room as fast as she could, she needed to get away from him.

**A/N Like :) REVIEWS!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N I own nothing! Thanks for the reviews and alerts guys, keep them coming! Just remember Quinn, Puck and Santana are only 17 and don't know how to handle this, so what they do is definitely not the way to go about it… never corner a depressed or abused person. I have never done ecstasy so I am going by the research I have found online! P.S don't do drugs...**

Chapter 5

"She cried… I'd never seen her look so sad or defeated," Puck whispered to Quinn and Santana the next day at school after Rachel had broken down into tiny, little pieces right in front of him.

"We need to help her." Quinn told her friends matter of factly and they both nodded before Santana added,

"How though Q? She won't even speak to us!"

"We make her," Quinn replied and began to tell the other two of her plan.

XXXXX

"You're a beginner Berry so do me one thing?" Scott the schools local drug dealer asked her,

"What Scott?" Rachel rolled her eyes,

"Take HALF a tablet for the first couple of goes…" Scott told her before handing her the bag of ecstasy and taking her money, "HALF," He stressed before jumping on his push bike and riding off.

Staring at the bag of the pills that were going to make her feel 'happy', Rachel stuffed them in her handbag before walking back to her house.

XXXXX

Deciding to take her first pill on the weekend, Rachel went to school on Friday knowing that tomorrow she would feel like she was back on cloud nine. On her way to her free period (which was smoking a joint underneath the bleachers), Rachel was pulled into an empty classroom with the three people she hated the most.

"What the fuck?" Rachel barked when she heard the lock being turned on the door, "Let me out," Rachel demanded,

"No, not until you talk to us," Quinn told her,

Looking around, Rachel noticed Quinn and Santana guarding the door while Puck was sitting down at one of the desk behind her,

"I'm never talking to you guys about anything except when we are forced to in glee club, so I'll say it again, let me out," Rachel demanded and Quinn nearly unlocked the door but Santana stopped her,

"B I'm so sorry," Santana mumbled sadly, "I miss you so much; I miss my best friend,"

"Congratulations," Rachel replied dryly,

"But the thing I miss the most about you is your smile and your laugh, and I hate the fact that I never see you smiling or laughing anymore, and I know Rachel, I just know that something happened in New York to you, we all feel it… and I hate myself for not being there to protect you Rachie," Santana sobbed, letting Rachel see her tears for the first time, "I hate that I wasn't your friend,"

Pushing her tears down, Rachel gave Santana a stony look,

"Nothing happened to me in New York, it was perfect and amazing," Rachel lied, "The reason why I am so angry is because every single day I have to see the three people that I hate the most walking these halls coming up with pathetic excuses of why they stopped being my friend. Newsflash guys, I don't want you to be my friend or my boyfriend ever again because I deserve better than you three!" Rachel yelled making the girls and Puck flinch, "I will never forgive you for what you did to me," Rachel snapped harshly, staring at Quinn and Santana before turning to look at Puck, "Especially you," She added in a harsh whisper,

Storming for the exit, Rachel pushed Quinn and Santana aside and let herself out before running to her car and driving off, not caring that she still had classes to attend.

XXXXX

Sitting in her room, her headphones in her ears cranked up the maximum; the Christmas lights hanging above her bed the only light in the room, Rachel smiled loving the way this little tablet made her feel. Standing up, Rachel began to dance around her room like she had never done before; totally swept up in the music and how it made her feel… it made her feel _alive_. It made her feel happy, relaxed and giggly all at once, she hadn't felt this way in so long that Rachel didn't care that she knew this would eventually wear off because she had a 20 more of those bastards lying in her goody draw ready to be used.

XXXXX

Rachel was high for basically the whole weekend, she actually played games night with her daddy and was having fun (even if it was only fake happiness due to the drug). She had made a vow to herself that no matter how hard things got to never take or do the pills at school because she eventually did want to get out of this cow town and drug possession wasn't the way to go about it. Walking the halls that Monday morning, a little down from not feeling as happy as she had over the last few days, Rachel walked into the morning glee club practise and nearly died when she saw Brittany, Noah and his buddy Finn Hudson sitting next to Quinn and Santana.

"Rachel you're here, we have three more members!" Mr Shuester grinned and Rachel looked at him as if he were on crack,

"Why?" Rachel asked and Mr Shuester stepped closer to her,

"We need 12 members to compete in Sectionals and with these 3 we now have all 3!"

"Yah," Rachel muttered sarcastically as she took a seat next to Kurt, letting him take her hand,

"You okay Cherie?" Kurt asked and Rachel shrugged,

"Always am," Rachel smiled fakely and even Kurt could see that her smile never reached her eyes,

XXXXX

_Dear Diary,_

_I cut myself for the first time today, it felt… strangely nice. Jack has been bashing me for months now, he never did stop after the first time, it's nice for a change to choose where the scars on my body go, instead of them being placed there for me._

XXXXX

On Thursday, Quinn announced to the club that she, Santana and Puck had a song they would like to perform for everyone.

"This is to our friend, to let her know we aren't giving up," Quinn told the room not looking directly at Rachel because she didn't want her to feel singled out,

**Quinn, **_Santana, _Puck, _**All**_

**Well I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,  
she felt it every day.  
And I couldn't help her,  
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.  
**_**  
**__What's wrong, what's wrong now?  
Too many, too many problems,  
don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.  
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.  
It's where she lies, broken inside.  
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes,  
Broken inside.  
__**  
**_Open your eyes and look outside, find the reasons why.  
You've been rejected, and now you can't find what you left behind.  
Be strong, be strong now.  
Too many, too many problems,  
don't know where she belongs, where she belongs.  
She wants to go home, but nobody's home.  
It's where she lies, broken inside.  
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes,  
Broken inside.  
_**  
**__**Her feelings she hides.  
Her dreams she can't find.  
She's losing her mind.  
**_**She's fallen behind.  
**_She can't find her place.__**  
**__**She's losing her faith.**__**  
**_She's fallen from grace.  
_**She's all over the place.  
Yeah, oh  
**__**  
**_she wants to go home, but nobody's home.  
It's where she lies, broken inside.  
With no place to go, no place to go to dry her eyes,  
Broken inside.  
_**  
**__**She's lost inside; lost inside...oh oh yeah  
she's lost inside, lost inside...oh oh yeah**_

"We love her too much to give up," Puck whispered to the room before he, Santana and Quinn took their seats again as Rachel tried not to burst into tears from hers.

**A/N REVIEWS :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N I own nothing! So, I got a pretty hurtful review last chapter and that matched with the lack of reviews… I'm not sure this will be continued.**

Chapter 6

Rachel getting sick and tired of Santana, Quinn and Puck, why couldn't they understand that she just wanted to be left alone! Staring at herself in the mirror in her en suite, Rachel really stared at herself and she hated what she saw. Her body was riddled with scars, some left by her some not, she had dark bags underneath her once beautiful and lively eyes… to put it simply, she looked sad, really sad.

_So this is what they see? _Rachel thought to herself,

Feeling even worse about herself, about her appearance and her life, Rachel walked back into her room and went straight to her goody draw to make more scars eventually appear on her body.

XXXXX

"Duets," Mr Shuester announced the group, "I want you to all in pairs and sing about the relationship you have, used to have or currently do not have,"

"I pick Rachel," Kurt exclaimed, taking his friend's hand knowing she wouldn't want to be paired with Quinn, Santana or for some reason, Puck.

Smiling over at Kurt, Rachel squeezed his hand gently,

"Actually Kurt, the hat picks," Mr Shuester told him and began to pull out names, "Sugar and Tina, Artie and Kurt, Quinn and Mercedes, Santana and Brittany… welcome Brittany by the way," Mr Shuester added to their newest and 13th member, "Finn and Mike, Rachel and Puck and since Matt is sick he won't be participating," Mr Shuester told the group, looking over at the empty chair that Matt normally sits in, "Get started,"

"Don't talk to me Puck," Rachel warned as he sat next to her like he was meant to do,

"Where's partners Rachel," Puck whispered and she tensed,

"I'll pick the song and send you your parts via email, practise in your own time," Rachel spat before walking over to the piano and glanced over sheet music.

XXXXX

"So what is your relationship?" Mr Shuester asked Brittany and Santana like he had done with everyone else before them,

"She's the love of my life," Brittany smiled at her girlfriend,

"Same," Santana smiled, kissing Brittany briefly on the lips before nodding to the band to begin.

XXXXX

"What's your relationship?" Mr Shuester asked Finn and Mike,

"Friends, known each other since preschool," Finn grinned over to Mike who high fived him before they started to perform their song.

XXXXX

"Lucky last," Mr Shuester smiled at Rachel and Puck, "What's your relationship?"

"Stranger," Rachel mumbled,

"Ex-girlfriend," Puck said at the same time,

Frowning, Mr Shuester went to open his mouth but was cut off,

"And we are not singing your stupid song about not even knowing each other we are singing this song, the song that covers both of our feelings because Rachel you're nothing but a stranger to me anymore!" Puck exclaimed sadly and Puck cued the band to play,

**[Puck:]****  
Now and then I think of when we were together  
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die  
Told myself that you were right for me  
But felt so lonely in your company  
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember**

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness  
Like resignation to the end, always the end  
So when we found that we could not make sense  
Well you said that we would still be friends  
But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off  
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing  
And I don't even need your love  
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough  
No you didn't have to stoop so low  
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number  
I guess that I don't need that though  
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know  
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

**[Rachel:]****  
Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over  
Part of me believing it was always something that I'd done  
But I don't wanna live that way  
Reading into every word you say  
You said that you could let it go  
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know**

**[Both:]****  
But you didn't have to cut me off  
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing  
And I don't even need your love  
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough  
No you didn't have to stoop so low  
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number  
I guess that I don't need that though  
Now you're just somebody that I used to know**

**[x2]****  
Somebody  
(I used to know)  
Somebody  
(Now you're just somebody that I used to know)**

(I used to know)  
(That I used to know)  
(I used to know)  
Somebody

As the two held the last note, Rachel took a step back creating some space between both of them. Rachel and Noah looked both sad and really angry with one another, all of their feelings finally spilling out for everyone to see through song.

"Happy now? Everyone knows!" Rachel asked sadly,

"Yeah they know that you used to be the love of my life… still are," Puck whispered not getting why Rachel was so pissed off,

"I don't want you to be! Why can't you leave me alone Noah," Rachel begged, tears in her eyes, "Why can't you two either?" Rachel demanded, staring over at Quinn and Santana,

When the girls didn't answer, Rachel straightened her posture and death stared the three of them,

"Back off and Leave. Me. Alone!" Rachel yelled before running from the room as fast as her legs could take her.

**A/N Like I said, I'm not sure if I will continue or if I'll just cut if short even though I had a lot planned for this story.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N I own nothing! So I had a little whinge last chapter (sorry I'd had a rough day and that review pushed me over the edge) but I'd like to say I am continuing… enjoy!  
**

Chapter 7

"So… explain," Kurt told Rachel over the phone that night after Rachel and Noah's duet,

"There's nothing to explain Kurt," Rachel told her friend as she sat on her bed cleaning up her fresh cuts to her thigh, she had just finished cutting herself when her mobile rang,

"You yelled at Quinn and Santana and you used to date the bad ass of the school Noah Puckerman, I think, as your friend, you owe me an explanation," Kurt said and Rachel sighed,

"Fine but this doesn't leave me and you," Rachel demanded and after Kurt promised on his shoe collection (the only way Rachel knew he wouldn't tell anyone) she began to spill her guts, "My parents broke up the summer between freshman year and sophomore year. Quinn and Santana were my best friends and Noah is, was, the love of my life. I had no idea that I was moving from Lima to New York until it happened, I didn't have time to tell them and when I finally was able to get hold of a phone a few days later, they didn't answer… they never answered." Rachel told Kurt sadly, "They just cut me out of their lives and once I moved back and explained what happened, they now want me as their friend again and I-I can't, I just can't."

"Wow," Kurt whispered after listening to Rachel spill her guts out not knowing it was only the half-truth, "You have a right to be mad at them,"

"Thank you!" Rachel exclaimed glad someone else was seeing it from her side,

"But-" Kurt added,

"But what?" Rachel sighed,

"But, Quinn and Santana gave up being popular and being on the Cheerio's for you. Social suicide Rachel, all for you, they obviously want you to see how sorry they are and by doing that I completely think they sincerely regret what they did to you,"

_They didn't protect me, _Rachel thought sadly to herself,

"Whose side are you on Kurt?" Rachel asked,

"Yours, of course yours but I see how sad this is making you I just don't want you to hurt anymore then you already are,"

_Too late for that,_ Rachel thought bitterly as she stared at her fresh cuts on her leg,

"And Puck?" Kurt asked bringing Rachel out of her staring competition with her thigh,

"And Puck is an ex-boyfriend who became Lima's biggest man whore ever known," Rachel sighed, "Puck and I are over."

After a few more minutes of conversation, Rachel and Kurt ended their call and promised to talk more tomorrow at school.

XXXXX

Sitting underneath the bleachers, Rachel smoked her joint and drank her coffee like she did every lunch break, (she was still surprised that she had never been caught) when she was approached,

"Someone did a number on you," Puck told her sitting next to her only for Rachel to move away from him,

"Yeah you and those two bitches I used to call my best friends," Rachel sneered and Puck shook his head,

"Nah, that's just an easy cover up. You forget something Rachel, I know you; I fucking know you. I know when you lie, when you're happy which is never lately by the way, when your sad, what you look and sound like when you cum," Puck reminded her and Rachel tensed, "And I know that me, San and Quinn being pricks to you, yeah, total cover up. It would have hurt, like crap, don't you think it hurt us… thinking our best friend and girlfriend just left us? But we moved on, half assed, but we moved on and you would have done the same. You would have got this screw you attitude and made New York your bitch earlier then you ever thought you would…" Puck told her and Rachel hated how right he was, "So the question is Rachel, why are you are fucking a mess?" He then added softly, "Why are you so hurt?"

_You didn't protect me,_ Rachel thought, _you didn't fight for me, or keep me safe from that horrible man._

"Nothing happened," Rachel lied, not realising that tears where streaming down her face,

"Baby that's a lie and we both know it," Puck whispered, leaning closer to Rachel and wiping away her tears, hating the way she flinched, "Let me help you," Puck pleaded and Rachel began to sob,

"You didn't protect me," Rachel managed out before dropping her joint and cup and bolted away from Puck hating that she had given away precious information about the past she was meant to be keeping in the past.

XXXXX

Puck didn't tell Quinn or Santana what Rachel had told him, he thought if he went blabbing she may not trust him so he decided to keep that piece of information to himself. Knocking on the door to Rachel and Hiram's apartment, he smiled up at the older man, who answered the door,

"Noah!" Hiram exclaimed with a smile, "How have you been?" He smiled and welcomed Noah into his home,

"Good actually, yourself?" Puck asked,

"Fine, better now that my Princess is home," Hiram gushed and Puck smiled nodding his head,

"I was actually here to see her, do you mind?" Puck asked nervously and Hiram shook his head,

"Of course I don't mind, I'm off to work actually, Burt called me in a car needs a lot of work!" Hiram told Puck, even though he had just finished his studies to become an accountant and had landed a new, higher paying job, just last week, Hiram was helping out a friend who had done so much for him when he had been at his low points,

"Good luck," Puck smiled and after shaking Hiram's hand once more, Puck watched the older man leave and began to make his way to Rachel's bedroom.

Not knocking in fear of Rachel refusing to let him in, Puck turned the door knob and smirked to himself when it wasn't lock, his smirk soon dropped when he saw Rachel laying on her bed perfectly still… and she wasn't just sleeping.

**A/N Sorry to leave you there! REVIEWS :) **


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N I own nothing! Things are going to be found out over the next few chapters!**

Chapter 8

_**Beep, beep, beep**_

_What is that annoying sound? _Rachel thought as she began to stir from her sleep,

"Rachel, sweetie, it's your daddy. Can you hear me?"

Opening her eyes, Rachel glanced around noting that she wasn't in her bedroom and soon realised she was in a hospital room.

"Water," Rachel rasped out, her throat was dry and she was sore all over her body,

"Here you go baby girl," Hiram whispered as he picked up the cup next to her bedside and gently placed the straw in his daughter's mouth, watching as she drank the water slowly and in little sips,

As soon as she had finished drinking, the door to her hospital room opened and quickly closed,

"Rachel glad to see you're awake," A Doctor smiled softly to her before taking her chart off her bed, "Do you remember what happened?" He asked and Rachel looked over to her father ashamed,

_I tried to kill myself, _Rachel thought sadly but instead she shrugged her shoulders and shook her head,

"Sir you may want to sit for this," The Doctor warned Hiram before continuing, "Rachel, once we had gotten you into a stable condition, we took you for some tests, we found so very interesting things. You have broken a lot of bones in your body in the past, everything from ribs, arms, ankles, cheek bones, eye sockets, and even your wrists… you have a lot of self-harm injuries to your upper thigh and stomach," The Doctor spoke softly, after years of experience he could spot an abused patient a mile away, "You have traces of ecstasy and marijuana in your system," He paused, letting Hiram soak everything in, "Sweetie did you try and end your life?" He asked Rachel and she looked down at her bed sheets, tears trickling down her face before giving a slight nod.

"Oh my baby," Hiram whispered, tears down his own eyes and hugged Rachel tightly as his little girl broke down in his arms.

"I am placing you under a 72 hour watch starting from now, it means, legally, we can hold you here until that time is up, do you understand Rachel?" The Doctor asked and she nodded slightly, "My name is Doctor Harper, and I am going to take good care of you," He promised the girl who reminded him of his own daughter,

Wiping her tears away, Rachel watched as the older Doctor placed a comforting hand on Hiram's shoulder before stepping out of the room to give the two of them some space,

"Why?" Was all Hiram could manage out and Rachel shrugged her shoulders,

"I don't know," Rachel whispered, completely lying and her daddy knew it too,

"When you left Lima you had no broken bones to your name, you had NEVER broken a bone baby girl," Hiram told her, "D-Did your dad hurt you?" Hiram whispered feeling sick to his stomach,

"No," Rachel mumbled, "Not physically, h-he just l-let it happen," Rachel sobbed, fresh tears falling from her eyes,

"Jack," Hiram growled putting the pieces together, "I'm going to fucking kill him," Hiram whispered, "Kill him!" He yelled this time, rage sweeping his body,

"Nobody can know," Rachel begged, "I'm here now and I-I never want to see him again," Rachel cried and Hiram calmed down once he saw how distressed his little girl was,

"We can't let him get away with it, h-he hurt my baby girl," Hiram whispered, kissing Rachel's temple, "He made you turn to hurting yourself… to drugs," Hiram managed out through his own tears,

_I should have protected you, _Hiram thought to himself as he stroked his daughter's hair watching as tears streamed down her cheeks at a steady rate,

"I am so sorry," Hiram whispered once his daughter had fallen back asleep after her traumatic past had been found out.

XXXXX

"Is she okay?" Puck asked Hiram once the older man had stepped out of Rachel's hospital bed an hour after she had woken up,

"No," Hiram sighed taking a seat next to the boy who found his baby girl lifeless and covered in blood, "You saved her though," He whispered to Puck and Noah tensed,

"I-I helped put her there," Puck whispered, guilt and sadness hitting him all at once,

"No son you didn't," Hiram told him honestly, "Even if you, San and Quinn didn't handle things the right way… it wasn't you who did that to her,"

"So something happened in New York," Puck whispered feeling himself grow sicker and sicker, "What happened to her Hiram?" Puck begged and Hiram wiped a tear from his eyes,

"It's not my place Noah… I-I'm going to get a coffee and make a quick phone call, would you mind sitting with her?" Hiram asked and Noah quickly nodded nearly knocking Hiram off his feet at the speed he rushed to be by Rachel's bedside.

XXXXX

Entering her hospital room, Puck walked straight over to Rachel's bed and tears sprung to his eyes when he saw the way she looked. She was pale and had dark bags under her eyes now that her face was bare of all make up. The thing that made his skin crawl was the sight of her deep cuts, gashed and scars that covered both of her thighs that had been exposed due to her hospital gown riding up in her sleep. Wiping his own tears away, Puck sat next to her bed and placed his hand into hers and kissed her temple softly,

"Rachel," Puck whispered, sadness the only tone that could be heard in his voice, "My love," Puck managed out before he broke down into tears, resting his head onto Rachel's stomach as he clung to their interlaced hands, wishing that he could takes his loves pain away.

**A/N so… what do you guys think? Heavy stuff, I hope you take the time to review :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N I own nothing! Probably some errors in this legally speaking,**

Chapter 9

Hiram sat at his daughter's bedside for the remainder of the night. He had sent Puck home and told him he was welcome to come back and visit any time he wanted to because without him, Rachel probably would have been dead. Interlacing his hands with his sleeping daughter's Hiram thought back to the phone call that took place a few hours before.

"_How could you let that monster harm my baby?" Hiram yelled at Leroy through his phone,_

"_W-What are you talking about?" Leroy stuttered,_

"_Jack beat my baby, the man you brought into her life and now she's lying in a hospital bed after she attempted to take her life!" Hiram said harshly, he was furious,_

"_Is she okay?" Leroy whispered and Hiram snorted,_

"_You don't care if she's okay or not all you care about is that, that THING!"_

"_Hiram I-I'm so sorry," Leroy whispered and Hiram growled into the phone,_

"_I never thought you'd pick a man over your child and her welfare. Except charges to be pressed and I never want to see you anywhere near my baby girl ever again," Hiram warned before hanging up the phone and broke down in tears._

XXXXX

Visiting hours at the hospital began at 7am and Puck was there first thing, he didn't sleep much and only went home because the nurses told him he had too. Not wanting to cause a scene he obliged but just barely, he really wanted to stay with Rachel, he never wanted to let her out of his site. Seeing Hiram slumped over in the chair out the front of Rachel's room, Puck handed Hiram a coffee which the older man gratefully accepted,

"Hello Noah, thank you for this," Hiram smiled and Puck shrugged,

"It's cool; least I can do… how is she?" Puck asked and Hiram shrugged,

"I don't know Noah, she's honestly so up and down… I can't read her anymore," Hiram replied sadly, thinking about how close he and Rachel used to be,

"Why are you out here?" Puck asked after a moment,

"Doctor Harper needed to have a few moments with her alone," Hiram told him and Puck nodded, taking a small sip of his coffee,

"Why is she in there?" Puck whispered,

But before Hiram could speak, Dr Harper walked out of Rachel's room,

"Hiram can I speak to you please?" Dr Harper asked and Hiram nodded,

"Go in if you'd like," Hiram added to Noah just before he let Dr Harper take him back to his office,

As Puck walked into Rachel's hospital room, he heard her sobbing quietly to herself,

"Rach," Puck whispered and Rachel began to sob even harder,

"They're going to make me see him again," Rachel mumbled out, flinching when Noah placed his hand gently on her side, "I-I can't," Rachel sobbed harder and Puck tried hard not to let his emotions get the best of him,

"Who Rachel? Who are they going to make you see again?" Puck asked, desperately searching for an answer,

And just like that, Rachel stopped crying, became perfect tense and a mask covered her beautiful face as she sat up in her bed, staring straight ahead at a spot on the wall and not at Noah's face,

"Jack," She spat with such hate and anger it made Puck want to beat this guy up, "That's who," She mumbled, sounding a lot more defeated,

Puck was about to ask something when Hiram and Dr Harper walked back into the room,

"Sweetie Dr Harper explained everything to me, are you okay?" Hiram whispered and Rachel rolled her eyes,

"No, no I'm not, I'm furious! I never want to see that man again!" Rachel yelled, tears falling from her eyes,

She surprised herself when it was Noah's hand she reached for and clung to instead of her daddy's,

"Rachel, do you mind if I speak while your friend is in the room?" Dr Harper asked and after Rachel nodded he continued, "As a victim of physical abuse and being under 18, it's the state's job to protect you and charge the person who caused you harm,"

"My love," Puck whispered finally understanding why Rachel was so broken, so lost… she had been abused,

"And my job, as a Doctor, is to collect evidence for the police, so we need to do x-rays and CT scans… we need to see what damage you are hiding in your body, the extent of your abuse," Dr Harper added carefully,

"So I have no choice?" Rachel sneered,

"No but you do have a choice on whether you attend the trail should it be needed, you can chose whether you give a statement and if you do, you can pick whether to pre-record it or actually attend court," Dr Harper and Rachel let out a heavy breath,

"So I don't have to see him?" Rachel whispered, sadness back instead of anger,

"No Rachel, you'll never have to see him again," Hiram whispered and Rachel broke down, letting go of Noah's hands and bringing her hands up to her face and covered them to hide the tears that everyone knew were falling.

XXXXX

Hiram had gone home to collect more clothes for him and Rachel so it was just the two of them in Rachel's darkened hospital room,

"Why didn't you tell me?" Puck whispered,

"It was none of your business," Rachel muttered before sighing, "Sorry,"

"You have nothing to be sorry for Rachel, I-I just wish you would have told someone, whether it be me or even that Kurt kid… anyone," Puck whispered,

"I was ashamed," Rachel said after a long pause between the two of them, "I was ashamed and I was angry, sad and frustrated. But mostly I felt alone, like nobody would care if I told anyone," Rachel whispered,

"I am so sorry I didn't protect you," Puck whispered, letting tears fall from his eyes and Rachel tensed, "That I cut you out of my life so quickly and didn't answer your calls or emails. Even if you had of moved maybe you would of told me after it happened and me and Hiram would of flown to New York and kicked that Jack dude's ass before taking you back home to us, where you belong,"

"Noah," Rachel whispered taking his hand, "I-I'm sorry that I pushed you away, I always thought you'd moved on from me," Rachel cried,

"I love you Rachel, I always will. Please, please let me make it up to you, please?" Puck begged and Rachel nodded knowing she would need every ounce of support over the next few trying months.

**A/N so they aren't back together but a friendship will evolve, next chapter, Santana and Quinn find out, how do you want them to react? Tell me what you'd like to see with Leroy and Jack? Reviews :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N I own nothing! Thank you for all the love guys!**

Chapter 10

"Where's Rachel?" Kurt asked the glee club after the third day of Rachel being absent from school,

"I'm not sure Kurt," Mr Shuester informed the feminine boy honestly,

"Puck's not here either… again," Finn mumbled and Santana and Quinn shared a worried look,

"Mr Shuester are you sure you don't know anything? Are they okay?" Quinn asked concerned,

"You better tell us if you know something," Santana warned her teacher and Mr Shuester shook his head,

"I swear girls I don't know anything,"

Sharing a look, Quinn and Santana knew that this afternoon would be the day they received answers.

XXXXX

_Puck this is San and Q, we are fucking worried, answer your phone!_

Santana pressed the end button on her phone after leaving her tenth voicemail to Puck in the past five minutes. As the two girls walked down the streets of Lima after school, they began to brainstorm places they could have been. After checking both Rachel's and Noah's place and seeing that there was nobody home, they were a little stumped on what to do. The girls were about to head back to Puck's house to see if anyone was home yet when Santana's phone rang,

"It's Puck," Santana informed Quinn who told her to hurry up and answer,

"_You rang… a million times?" _Puck mumbled into the phone,

He was just outside the hospital, Hiram was at work for the day because he couldn't miss any more days and Rachel was with Dr Harper getting her x-rays done for the police investigation.

"_Yes I fucking rang, where are you? Where have you been? And are you with Rachel because nobody knows where she is either?" _Santana asked quickly praying that he'd give her an answer,

"_Yeah I'm with her," _Puck mumbled and Santana gave Quinn and thumbs up,

"_Where Noah?" _Santana asked, using his first name to let him know how worried she was,

"_At the hospital," _Puck mumbled and continued quickly when he heard Santana let out a small sob, _"Just come here and I'll explain when you two get here," _Puck told the Latina girl and after that he quickly hung up the phone and plopped down on the uncomfortable seat out the front of the hospital.

XXXXX

Santana and Quinn rushed to the hospital as fast as they could. As they walked through the automatic doors that were linked to the waiting room, they saw Noah sitting alone in a room with only a few chairs slightly away from the ER waiting room and made their way over to him.

"What's going on?" Quinn asked, her eyes red and puffy from her tears,

She kept imagining and thinking the worse, she was right.

"Rachel's hurt," Puck whispered and the girls sat down completely shocked,

"How bad?" Santana asked quietly and Puck sighed,

"Pretty bad," Puck confessed,

_No point in lying, _he thought sadly,

"Where is she?" Quinn demanded, "I need to see her!" The blonde girl told Puck, tears falling from her eyes,

"She's back in her room… I'm gunna tell you her room number and one of you should go in first, don't tell her I gave the information up," Puck warned and the two girls nodded,

After deciding that Quinn would go in first, Santana and Puck watched as the pretty blonde made her way into room 117.

XXXXX

"Go away Dr Harper," Rachel groaned when she heard the door to her room open and then close,

Her body was sore and she couldn't handle any more questions or x-rays,

"It's me," Quinn whispered and Rachel tensed, sitting up as quickly as her body would allow and looked over at the girl she once called a best friend,

"What are you doing here?" Rachel snapped and Quinn wiped her eyes when she saw how horrible Rachel looked,

"You weren't in school, I-I did some investigating… Santana's outside as well," Quinn informed her and took a seat next to Rachel's bed,

"W-What happened?" Quinn asked softly and Rachel shook her head,

"Y-You don't get to know," Rachel replied, her chin trembling,

"I am so sorry Rachel," Quinn whispered, tears falling from her eyes quickly and heavily, "I'm so sorry that I hurt you, please forgive me," Quinn begged and the two girls looked at each other and sobbed, "I am so sorry, d-did you try and… kill yourself?" Quinn asked holding her breath,

When Rachel have Quinn a slight nod in confirmation, Quinn jumped to her feet and wrapped her arms around Rachel, burying her head into the diva's neck and sobbed her eyes out, even harder when Rachel clung to Quinn as hard as the blonde was clinging onto Rachel and sobbed as well.

"Why? Why did you try? The world would be nothing without you, you're my best friend Rachel," Quinn said through her tears, barely able to take breathes in because of how hysterical she was,

"I'm sorry," Rachel managed out, clinging onto Quinn tighter as the two let all the years of sadness that had built up out.

XXXXX

"It's me," Santana mumbled as she walked into Rachel's room.

Quinn had been in there for half an hour and Santana was getting antsy,

"I-I can go," Quinn offered when she saw the way Santana and Rachel locked eyes with each other,

It had been a long time since the girls had all been in the room together longer than a few minutes and not because of glee club.

"You can stay, I don't want to repeat this again," Rachel whispered, letting a tear slip when Santana interlaced their hands as she sat on the opposite side of her with Quinn on the other side of her bed,

"Rachel I am so sorry," Santana rushed out before Rachel could continue, "I-I hate myself every day for what I did to you and I-I'm so sorry," Santana whispered, tears of her own now flowing and Rachel squeezed onto her hand a little harder,

"You, Quinn and Noah have all explained your reasons, all given your apologises… we aren't back to where we used to be but, I promise to try," Rachel informed Quinn and Santana and both girls nodded knowing that they were lucky with that as Rachel's response, "But, but I need to tell you some things…" Rachel whispered and began to tell Quinn and Santana about her horrible years in New York City.

**A/N I'm not too sure about this chapter, but I hope you guys like it! Reviews please :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N I own nothing! It's time for breakthroughs…**

Chapter 11

Rachel was released from hospital after having been there for a week. Hiram had begged Rachel to stay for the extra couple of days and Rachel agreed because she felt like she owed her daddy this. Dr Harper prescribed her with anti-depressants and for her to see a physiologist once a week. Puck, Santana and Quinn had removed everything and anything in the Berry's household that Rachel could use to harm herself, including all the knives in the kitchen which had been locked in a cabinet in Hiram's room so he could access them during cooking. Little did they know Rachel still had everything she needed in her 'goody' draw.

XXXXX

"How are you feeling?" Hiram asked Rachel as soon as the two of them walked into their lounge room,

"Tired," Rachel mumbled, "I-I think I'm going to go to sleep," Rachel informed her father,

"Okay sweetie, remember door open and your lock is no longer there," Hiram reminded her and Rachel sighed feeling like she had no privacy but also knowing what she would do if she did, "I love you Rachel," Hiram whispered and Rachel stopped, turning around to face her dad,

"I love you too daddy," Rachel replied, walking over to hug her daddy before kissing him on the cheek not missing the flash of pain that swept through his eyes,

She hadn't realised she had been hurting him as well.

XXXXX

"Thank you for doing this Puck," Hiram said for the hundredth time as he watched the young man sitting on the couch while he was getting ready for work, "My work won't let me stay home and I don't want her alone," Hiram sighed,

"Yeah I'm glad she isn't by herself. My Ma wants me to be here more than school but luckily Mr Shuester got Principal Figgins to send both me and Rachel's school work home, even though she doesn't have to do it," Puck reassured the stressed out older man,

"Thank you Noah," Hiram smiled softly before getting his suitcase and leaving for work but not before checking on his sleeping daughter like he had done so many times during the night.

XXXXX

"So you're my babysitter for the day," Rachel mumbled as she walked into the lounge room in nothing but a short pair of shorts and a tank top, the bandages hiding her cuts clearly on display,

"Yep and I'm not your babysitter Rachel," Puck replied and Rachel rolled her eyes,

"You're not allowed to leave me in case I do something bad pretty sure that's the definition of a baby sitter," Rachel sighed sitting next to him on the couch,

"You can't blame us for being worried," Puck muttered and Rachel tensed before nodding her head gently,

"I suppose not," Rachel agreed,

Looking over at the girl that still had his heart, Puck interlaced their hands and was happy when Rachel didn't flinch or pull away,

"You really scared us… me," Puck whispered and Rachel let a tear fall down her face,

"I know," Rachel mumbled, "I-I just thought," Rachel sighed, pausing for a little bit before continuing when Noah squeezed her hand reassuringly, "I just thought it was my only way out. The drugs, the cutting and drinking weren't helping anymore and I just, I just assumed nobody would miss me if I just dropped dead," Rachel muttered such anger and sadness lacing her voice,

Puck didn't even bother to try and stop the tears that fell from his eyes; instead he just pressed his forehead against her shoulder,

"We would all miss you baby, so much. Your dad was fucking beside himself; I've never seen Santana so scared, Quinn crying as hard as much as she did and me… Rachel I felt like my whole world died when they said you nearly died. I'd never been that fucking desperate for something like I was for you to be okay," Puck whispered and Rachel burst into tears,

"I'm such an evil person!" Rachel exclaimed, feeling ashamed for her actions,

"You're the furthest thing from evil, that guy, that _**thing**_, who attacked you… _**that's**_ fucking evil," Puck sneered, he never thought he could hate someone so much without ever meeting them,

"I-I don't know what to do," Rachel sobbed and Puck pulled her into his lap, Rachel's head resting against his chest, "I'm so broken, I-I'm damaged goods," Rachel cried and Puck kissed her hair and began to tell her all the things that made her amazing.

XXXXX

"The reason why I hated you and the girls so much was because, I-I always felt like you didn't really know me after all. That you should have known something was up when I just suddenly moved away," Rachel spoke randomly sometime around 12 o'clock,

"I'm sorry," Puck said the only thing he could say,

"Why?" Rachel asked as she stared at him from the couch as he sat on near the rounded dining table doing his school work,

"Everyone in my life just leaves me… I guess, I guess it was just reflex," Puck sighed, "To think the worst," He added and Rachel hummed lowly,

"I loved you so much Noah, I-I never would have just left, you were the love of my life," Rachel told him sadly and Puck felt like someone had stabbed him through his heart,

_**Loved**_

_**Were**_

_All past tenths, _he thought bitterly,

"I never would have left you or San and Quinn; I didn't even want to go when dad told me it was New York. I was always destined for New York but it was when I was a high school graduate with you and my best friend's by my side," Rachel continued, "And now, now New York will be the place where I was bashed for nearly two years, I'm never going back there," Rachel muttered darkly ad Puck's head rose,

"You can't let that fuck wit stop you from making Broadway your bitch," Puck told her and Rachel shook her head,

"I-I don't want Broadway anymore, at least not for now. My new goal is to get better to not want to cut myself every time someone looks at me the wrong way because in my mind I think they are thinking all the horrible things that, that J-Jack told me I was. My new goal is to smile and actually have happiness behind it and to laugh and for it not to be forced, so for now and in the distant future, being in New York would just make me backpedal,"

"What about us?" Puck blurted out before he could stop himself,

"There isn't an 'us'," Rachel told her frankly and Puck felt like he was going to cry, "I need to get better before there can be an 'us'… but, but one day, one day soon I'd like there to be," Rachel admitted softly,

"I'd like that too Rachel," Puck whispered, "So much," He told her looking into her eyes and knowing that he had so much to make up to her and helping her get better was just the tip of the iceberg.

**A/N I hope you enjoyed it, reviews please :)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N I own nothing! Sorry for the delay, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter :) Some flashback via diary entries in this chapter!**

Chapter 12

_Dear Diary,_

_He looks at me like I'm trash, like I am nothing and only here in this world for him to abuse. The way he looks at me… Diary I can't take it anymore, it hurts just as much as his fists. In my own home I feel like I am a loser, scum and it's all because of him and Leroy. I still don't understand why Leroy is letting him hurt me like that, what have I done to deserve it? I can't even call Leroy my dad anymore; no father would let someone hurt their baby…_

XXXXX

"Did you find the place okay?"

"Yeah," Rachel replied quietly, taking a seat in the small room where her psychologist sat in front of her,

"My name's Nicole, I'm here to help you Rachel, I specialise in children that have been abused," Nicole told her gently and Rachel tensed, she hated that word… abused.

"Okay," Rachel mumbled her eyes fixed onto the white carpet and not looking at Nicole,

"We don't have to talk about anything heavy first of all if you'd like?" Nicole offered and Rachel relaxed slightly,

"I'd prefer that," Rachel mumbled and Nicole nodded her head, quickly writing that down before placing her notepad and pen on the desk next to her,

"What was your life like before you moved to New York?" Nicole began and she noticed that a small smile appeared on Rachel's lips,

"Perfect," Rachel whispered, playing with the hem of her dress, "My parents were happy, well I thought they were, I had two amazing best friends and a loving boyfriend,"

"What was high school like?" Nicole asked and Rachel lifted her head up to look at Nicole,

"Alright, I was the captain of the school's glee club, my boyfriend was the wide receiver of the football team and he never once looked at the cheerleaders. Santana, Quinn and I were inseparable, always paying out the cheerleaders that teased and slushied us; sleepovers and singing all the time," Rachel smiled sadly thinking of what used to be,

"And what happened when you moved to New York?" Nicole asked and Rachel tensed but answered,

"We stopped talking, Leroy, my dad, gave me no time to pack really let alone say goodbye to them, by the time I got hold of a phone and a computer it had been a few days since I'd left and they thought I just upped and left them," Rachel muttered bitterly trying not to cry, "While I was getting beaten, Santana and Quinn joined the cheerleading team and Puck began to have sex with every girl with a heartbeat and said yes," Rachel sneered,

"Do you blame them for what happened to you, your friends and boyfriend?" Nicole asked and Rachel shrugged,

"I don't know… maybe," Rachel confessed, bowing her head back down to stare at the carpet, "But, but I know deep down it wasn't their fault… just sometimes I wished they would have answered my phones calls when I really needed them,"

"That's understandable, it okay to feel confused and angry but that angry no matter whom it's directed at isn't healthy for you. By the time you leave my care, I promise you, you'll be as strong as you have ever been, you just have to trust me and help me help yourself." Nicole told Rachel sweetly, taking the smaller girls hand and squeezed gently when tears fell down Rachel's cheeks.

"Okay… I can do that," Rachel whispered and Nicole and Rachel shared a small smile.

XXXXX

"How was your session sweetie?" Hiram asked his daughter as soon as she got into the car,

"Okay, draining," Rachel admitted, "I don't really want to talk about it," Rachel whispered and Hiram nodded,

"It's okay just remember, day or night, you can come to me and I'll never turn you away," Hiram smiled and Rachel kissed her daddy's check before turning back and resting her head against the cold window.

XXXXX

_Dear Diary, _

_I tried my first illegal drug today, a joint which is weed. It felt… nice, it made me feel relaxed and mellow. Something I haven't been like in a long time, I think I may just keep this up, it sure beats the alternative._

XXXXX

It had been two weeks since Rachel's attempt on her life and in that time she had managed to cut herself seven times. Walking back into her room after her second session with Nicole, Rachel stared at her 'goody' draw and nearly cried.

"I can't get better if the temptation is right there," Rachel whispered to herself in the empty room,

So, with shaky hands, Rachel grabbed a plastic bag and opened the bottom draw, lifted up the false bottom and placed every single item in her 'goody' draw into the bag. Wiping the tears that fell down her face, Rachel tied the bag by its handles and then placed it into a coloured cloth bag, tying it up once more before taking it down to the bin, removing a few things from the top of the wheelie bin and throwing the bag down towards the bottom. Covering everything back up so that the bag was hidden, Rachel couldn't stop herself from crying and shaking. She knew this had to be done, she had to help herself get better, but as she walked back upstairs to the apartment she shared with her daddy, it hit her… she no longer had any aids to 'help' her, not drugs, razors, nothing. She had to do this the healthy way, and that way was the hardest but possibly the most rewarding way to get better.

XXXXX

"I have work but a few of your friends are going to be here," Hiram told Rachel before kissing her on the temple and opened the front door just to see Quinn, Santana and Puck standing there with Quinn's hand getting ready to knock, "She's all yours guys, call me if you need me," Hiram told the group and they nodded and walked inside.

"Looks like I have three babysitters today," Rachel said with a little smile and Santana grinned,

"Damn straight and we've come with ice-cream, chocolate and we thought we would watch all your musical crap," Santana smiled,

"They are certainly NOT crap Santana! They are classics and are amazing-," Rachel began to rant but was cut off when the three of them hugged her tightly,

"Two months ago, you never would have chastised Lopez," Puck mumbled into her neck,

"You're becoming you again," Quinn whispered near tears, clinging to Rachel tightly,

Rachel didn't know what else to do or say so she just hugged them all back…

**A/N like it, I hope so? Reviews please :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N I own nothing! Let me know what you want to see happen in the next few chapters!**

Chapter 13

Rachel found it extremely hard to cope after she had disposed of her 'goody' draw; she never realised how much she relied on it until it was gone. A month had passed since Rachel had attempted to kill herself and it was finally her first day back at school and Rachel was nervous. In the time that Rachel was away, New Directions had won Sectionals and were starting to put together their set list for Regionals; she had kept relatively up to date with her schooling work because she wanted a distraction from her own life and problems. Walking into the school grounds wearing a simple, white sundress with a black cardigan; Rachel began her first day back trying to pretend that nothing had happened.

XXXXX

"Everything okay Rach?" Santana asked Rachel as the two of them sat in the back row during their English class,

"Yeah it's okay I guess… I've only had a few people come up to me, most of them said they hope I get better soon," Rachel admitted hating that everyone knew about the attempt she had taken on her life, "How did everyone find out?" Rachel asked after a pause between the two girls,

"It's Lima Rachel, it wouldn't surprise me if one of the nurses told their kid or a friend," Santana sighed, "But fuck them, if they start shit with you me and Puck will bash them," Santana promised and Rachel rolled her eyes,

"You know I still hate violence, even more so now…" Rachel muttered and Santana paled,

"Sorry, shit Rachel, sorry," Santana whispered taking Rachel's hand and squeezing gently,

"It's okay Santana," Rachel replied, knowing Santana was just trying to help out in her own way.

XXXXX

"I'd like to welcome back Miss Rachel Berry!" Mr Shuester smiled as he and Rachel walked into the choir room that afternoon, everyone standing on their feet clapping and smiling for Rachel,

"Rach I've missed you," Kurt whispered tears in his eyes as he hugged his friend tightly and was surprised when Rachel clung to Kurt, burying her head into his neck,

"I'm sorry," Rachel offered quietly into her friend's ear Kurt pulled back and kissed her temple gently,

"I'm always here," Kurt vowed and Rachel smiled, letting Kurt take her hand and the two walked back to sit next to each other,

"We've missed you girl," Mercedes smiled from the back row and Rachel smiled softly,

"I've missed you guys too… I-I have a lot of stuff going on but I promise to always put 100% into glee club; it's one of the only good things I have in my life at the moment," Rachel admitted, "I've missed singing," She added with a grin and Mr Shuester smiled at his star singing,

"We've missed your voice… would you grace us with it once more?" Mr Shuester asked and Rachel was surprised when everyone yelled their agreement.

So, with a blush, Rachel stood up and made her way to the centre of the room,

"I-I may not have everything under control just yet," Rachel admitted to her group of friends, "But having this club's support, it means the world to me… thank you,"

_**Thank you for being a friend**__**  
**__**Travelled down the road and back again**__**  
**__**your heart is true you're a pal and a confidant**__**I'm not ashamed to say**__**  
**__**I hope it always will stay this way**__**  
**__**My hat is off, won't you stand up and take a bow**__**And if you threw a party**__**  
**__**Invited everyone you knew**__**  
**__**You would see, the biggest**__**gift**__**would be from me**__**  
**__**and the card attached would say,**__**  
**__**Thank you for being a friend**__**Thank you for being a friend**__**  
**__**Thank you for being a friend**__**  
**__**Thank you for being a friend**__**If it's a car you lack**__**  
**__**I'd surely buy you a Cadillac**__**  
**__**Whatever you need, anytime of the day or night**__**I'm not ashamed to say**__**  
**__**I hope it always will stay this way**__**  
**__**My hat is off, won't you**__**stand up**__**and take a bow**__**And when we both get older**__**  
**__**With walking canes and hair of grey**__**  
**__**Have no fear, even though it's hard to hear**__**  
**__**I will stand real close and say,**__**  
**__**Thank you for being a friend**__**(I want to thank you)**__**  
**__**Thank you for being a friend**__**  
**__**(I want to thank you)**__**  
**__**Thank you for being a friend**__**  
**__**(I want to thank you)**__**  
**__**Thank you for being a friend**__**  
**__**(I want to thank you)**__**  
**__**Let me tell you bout a friend**__**  
**__**(I want to thank you)**__**  
**__**Thank you for being a friend**__**  
**__**(I want to thank you)**__**  
**__**Thank you for being a friend**__**  
**__**(I want to thank you)**__**  
**__**Thank you for being a friend**__**And when we die and float away**__**  
**__**Into the night, the Milky Way**__**  
**__**You'll hear me call, as we ascend**__**  
**__**I'll see you there, then once again**__**  
**__**Thank you for being a friend**__**Thank you for being a friend**__**  
**__**(I want to thank you)**__**  
**__**Thank you for being a friend**__**  
**__**(I want to thank you)**__**  
**__**Thank you for being a friend**__**  
**__**(I want to thank you)**__**  
**__**Thank you for being a friend**__**  
**__**Whoa, tell you about a friend**__**  
**__**(Thank you right now, for being a friend)**__**  
**__**Thank you for being a friend**__**  
**__**(I wanna tell you right now, and tell you again)**__**  
**__**Thank you for being a friend**__**  
**__**(I wanna thank you, thank you, for being a friend)**__**  
**__**Thank you for being a friend**_

"Thank you," Rachel whispered looking at Puck, Santana and Quinn with teary eyes,

She wasn't surprised when the whole club (including Mr Shuester) stood up and gave her a hug.

XXXXX

_Dear Diary,_

_I'm not sure what I've done to deserve this, to deserve this pain and heartache in my short life but it's getting harder and harder for me to put a smile on my face. He beats me for looking at him the 'wrong' way, he hits me for not cleaning my room, spits on me for being late home from school and every time I see him, I am terrified that the next time he beats me that he will, that it will kill me. I just want to go back to Lima, to be with my daddy, to be with my Noah and Quinn and Santana. I want my daddy to hold me and to tell me that it isn't my fault, that he's wrong even though sometimes I feel like I deserve the beatings… I mean, why would a person do that to another person unless they deserved it… right? I miss Noah so much; I miss his love. I miss the knowledge that whenever I am around him that he'll protect me… why isn't he protecting me now, when I really need, when I __**desperately **__need him? _

_Whenever my daddy calls me all I want to do is tell him about what's going on, what's happening to me. But the threat that Jack made to me echoes in my mind as I speak with daddy… if I tell daddy, he will kill me and my daddy; and I believe him because I just __**know**__ he will. I hate that after every phone call with my daddy I sob for hours on end, knowing that my safety is so close yet so far away. I hate that I no longer feel like I have a home. I hate that Leroy never protects me; I hate how he just watches as I'm getting hit. I hate myself for, I don't even know anymore… all I know is maybe I'm better off dead._

XXXXX

That night after her first day back at school, Rachel walked into the bathroom and quickly took a razor back into her bedroom. Waiting until her daddy went to sleep, Rachel cut deeply into her thigh a few times before bursting out into tears when the pain that she caused to herself didn't mask or lessen the pain that she felt in her heart like it normally did.

**A/N like it, please review :) What do you wanna see in the next few chapters? REVIEWS :)**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N I own nothing! Rachel is going to go up and down before she gets 'better' so this chapter will be both an up and down…**

Chapter 14

It was a cold, Wednesday morning when Hiram told Rachel that Jack had been arrested back in New York. She felt sick and scared; worried that because Jack now knew that Rachel had spoken up about the abuse that he would in fact make good on his threat and harm her and her daddy. She couldn't move, she didn't speak, she just sat in her room on the middle of her bed and stared at a spot on the wall wishing and praying that this whole mess would just go away. It was around 1pm when Hiram let a worried Noah into the Berry household and explained to him why Rachel hadn't been at school and what was going on, the older man saw the anger and sadness is Puck's eyes and agreed to let him go into Rachel's room to check on her.

"Rachel," Puck whispered as he walked into her bedroom, closing the door behind him,

"He knows," Rachel mumbled so quietly Noah almost missed it,

"Yeah baby I know, Hiram told me," Puck replied quietly, sitting down at the end of Rachel's bed, just watching her staring at the wall,

"I-I can't do this Noah," Rachel whispered tears spilling from her eyes but still not making eye contact with Noah, "I-It's too much,"

"You are such a strong girl Rach, you can do this my love I believe in you. We will never let him hurt you again, this bastard needs to pay for harming you," Puck told her quietly but firmly needing Rachel to know that this guy had to be punished, "The police said you don't even have to fly to New York for the trail, just give a statement and your lawyer will read it out," Puck reminded her and Rachel's bottom lip trembled before she broke down into a fit of sobs, lunging towards Noah and wrapping her arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder, "I'll never let him hurt you again my love," Puck whispered, kissing Rachel's temple as he stroked her back trying to ease her pain.

XXXXX

When Noah left later that night, Rachel waited again until her daddy was asleep before pulling out the razor she had been hiding for a nearly a month now and cut herself once more.

"It's only this, I'm not using the other stuff just this," Rachel mumbled to herself as she watched her blood slowly drip down her thigh before she bandaged her leg up, "I got rid of the drugs I'm allowed to keep this," She whispered to herself, trying to make herself feel less guilty about harming herself… it didn't work.

XXXXX

"Have you harmed yourself at all?" Nicole asked Rachel during one of their many sessions,

"No," Rachel replied, lying through her teeth,

"Rachel, I've been doing this for seven years, I know when people are lying…" Nicole replied gently and Rachel blew out a puff of air before nodding slowly,

"A few times," Rachel admitted quietly, "But I've stopped taking the drugs," Rachel added truthfully and Nicole smiled gently,

"In an ideal world you wouldn't be cutting but take the not doing drugs as a little win… we'll just work harder on stopping the self-harm," Nicole assured Rachel and the young girl bit the inside of her cheek trying to stop the tears from streaming down her face,

"He was arrested," Rachel blurted out and Nicole took Rachel's hand urging her to continue, "A few days ago, he was arrested. I-It doesn't make me feel any better, it actually makes me feel like I'm going to be sick… knowing he knows that I've told on him," Rachel admitted,

"You haven't 'told' on him Rachel, you stood up for yourself. Believe me Rachel, you _**didn't**_ deserve what that man did to you, nobody does. You deserve _**justice;**_ he deserves to be _**punished**_ for hurting you… you need to start realising that sweetie, you are a victim but I also know that you are a fighter, you're a strong girl Rachel you just have to start believing in yourself."

XXXXX

"Your mum let me in," Rachel told Puck as she walked into Noah's room after knocking (of course),

"Are you okay?" Puck asked, sitting up on his bed and pulling Rachel down so she was sitting in between his legs, resting her back on his chest,

"I'm getting there…" Rachel replied quietly, resting her hands on Noah's thighs, "Thank you for letting me cry on you the other day," Rachel spoke quietly and Puck kissed the back of her head,

"Any time Rachel, I mean it," Puck said and Rachel turned her head so that she was staring into Noah's eyes,

"I-I feel like my whole world is falling apart Noah, that nothing will ever be the way it was when we were fifteen, when we were happy; when I was happy,"

"Things aren't meant to stay the same way Rach, we are meant to have other life experience; granted not as shitty as the one that was thrown at you but we are meant to change and grow," Puck whispered, sounding very mature, the side he only showed Rachel,

"I wish we never broke up," Rachel confessed quietly,

"So do I…" Puck whispered, nodding his head subtly,

"The other day, when you held me and told me everything was going to be okay… I felt, I finally felt okay for the first time in years. I-I know I said that we should wait until I'm get better but, but Noah when I'm with you, I feel better. I feel happy and free and loved… so loved," Rachel whispered leaning closer to Noah resting her forehead against his,

"Be my girl again?" Puck whispered wanting to ask Rachel the question he had been repeating in his head every time he saw her since she arrived back in Lima, "Be my girl again and we can do this together, we can get you better,"

"Yes Noah, so much," Rachel nodded tears in her eyes, "I still love you," She added quietly,

"I never stopped loving you my love," Noah smiled softly, before he claimed Rachel's lips in a loving and gentle kiss, "My love,"

**A/N so they are together, I thought Rachel deserved some happiness, so puckleberry are a go people! REVIEWS :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N I own nothing! I have been thinking about this for a while and I have decided that after I have finished my current multi-chapter stories that I will be going on a break from writing Puckleberry fanfiction to concentrate on writing some original work. The fact that there is no longer any Puckleberry on glee is disheartening and to be honest, I'm tired of always being let down because of the knowledge of no more Puckleberry will ever be on glee (most likely). Anyways, I will finish all of my stories before I stop so don't worry, but no more new stories will be added.**

Chapter 15

Rachel and Noah had been dating again for about two weeks. Santana and Quinn noticed that Puck was a lot happier but that Rachel seemed a lot more stressed. Worried for their friend, they arrived on her doorstep unannounced before school to speak with Rachel.

"Are you okay Rach? I mean, you have been acting a little bit on edge since you and Puck got back together," Quinn asked gently not wanting to upset her friend,

"I'm fine Quinn," Rachel reassured even though she wasn't sure she was okay,

"Berry come on, we know you and we know when you lie, something is up," Santana said matter of factly and Rachel sighed, turning away so her friend's wouldn't notice the tears forming in her eyes,

"Talk to us Rach," Quinn urged seeing her friend's reaction and Rachel nodded her head and sat down on her bed with Santana and Quinn sitting next to her,

"I love Noah, so much," Rachel began quietly, "But, but I have so many issues and he's trying so hard to help me but I'm starting to think that I am unfixable, that I'm going to be like this forever, this mess! I don't want him to resent me or realise that I am too much work for him and just leave…" Rachel whispered, "I couldn't handle it if you three left me again," She added quietly making Quinn and Santana feel horrible for their past actions.

"We aren't going anywhere Rach," Santana vowed, interlacing their hands, "We will never make that mistake again,"

"And you will get better Rachel, you already are you are doing so well. We are all really proud of you and will be there for you if you ever do take a fall," Quinn added and held onto Rachel's hand tightly.

"I'm a wreck," Rachel whispered before she let a few tears fall only for Santana and Quinn to quickly wipe them away.

"We've got you sweetie and so does Puck," Quinn whispered hugging Rachel as Santana did the same.

"We've got you," Santana repeated and Rachel relaxed into her friend's embrace.

XXXXX

School that day passed quickly, Santana and Quinn were making Rachel laugh and the diva seemed to be more relaxed. When glee club arrived, Rachel was not looking forward to completing this week's assignment set by Mr Shuester.

"Fear, this week I want you to open up to your team mates and tell them a fear you have… it doesn't have to be personal it could be silly or even random but I want us to share something about ourselves that nobody really knows about them," Mr Shuester smiled and Rachel swallowed thinking about all of her secrets that she could share,

_I'll never get better, I'll start taking drugs again, I'll never stop cutting, I'll lose Noah again, _Rachel thought bitterly to herself,

"And of course I want you to share it through a song," Mr Shuester added and Rachel couldn't stop herself from rolling her eyes.

XXXXXX

The week went quickly and Rachel found herself cutting her thighs deeply the night before she was set to perform what her fear was in front of the glee club.

XXXXX

Watching her friend's singing and then smiling when Noah performed his song; explaining that his fear was he was worried that he'd lose Rachel again, Rachel shook when Mr Shuester called her up to sing.

"Actually, I-I don't want to sing this week," Rachel mumbled and everyone gasped a little surprised by Rachel Berry turning down a performance.

"Are you okay?" Mr Shuester asked and Rachel nodded.

"I'm fine but I-I just don't want to," Rachel lied and knowing about her past few months, he didn't press the issue just like everyone else.

XXXXX

Rachel started to pull away from Noah and her friend's after that but that all stopped one night when Noah arrived at her house when her daddy was still at work with his guitar in his hand.

"My biggest fear is that you'll never see how amazing you are again," Puck whispered to his girlfriend as soon as she opened the door, "That you won't stop seeing you as worthless or get your confidence back, that you'll never see how amazing you are and that everything that prick did to you wasn't right and that you didn't deserve it Rachel." Puck told her walking into the house, taking her hand and leading her to sit on the couch while he sat on the coffee table in front of her, "This is the song I wanted to see, for you,"

_**Look what he's done to you**__**  
**__**It isn't fair**__**  
**__**Your light was bright and new**__**  
**__**But he didn't care**__**  
**__**He took the heart of a little girl**__**  
**__**And made it grow up too fast**__****_

_**Now words like innocence**____**  
**__**Don't mean a thing**__**  
**__**You hear the music play**__**  
**__**But you can't sing**__**  
**__**Those pictures in your mind**__**  
**__**Keep you locked up inside your past**__****_

_**This is a song for the broken girl**__**  
**__**The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world**__**  
**__**You are**__**  
**__**Hear me when I say**__**  
**__**You're not the worthless they made you feel**__**  
**__**There is a Love they can never steal away**__**  
**__**And you don't have to stay the broken girl**__****_

_**Those damaged goods you see**__**  
**__**In your reflection**__**  
**__**Love sees them differently**__**  
**__**Love sees perfection**__**  
**__**A beautiful display**__**  
**__**Of healing on the way tonight**__**  
**__**Tonight**__****_

_**Look what he's done to you**__**  
**__**It isn't fair**__**  
**__**Your light was bright and new**__**  
**__**But he didn't care**__**  
**__**He took the heart of a little girl**__**  
**__**And made it grow up too fast**__****_

_**Now words like innocence**____**  
**__**Don't mean a thing**__**  
**__**You hear the music**____**play**__**  
**__**But you can't sing**__**  
**__**Those pictures in your mind**__**  
**__**Keep you locked up inside your past**__****_

_**This is a song for the broken girl**__**  
**__**The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world**__**  
**__**You are**__**  
**__**Hear me when I say**__**  
**__**You're not the worthless they made you feel**__**  
**__**There is a Love they can never steal away**__**  
**__**And you don't have to stay the broken girl, girl**__**  
**__**You don't have to stay the broken girl, girl**__****_

_**Let your tears touch the ground**__**  
**__**Lay all your shattered pieces down**__**  
**__**And be amazed by how Grace can take a broken girl**__**  
**__**And put her**____**back together**____**again**__****_

_**This is a song for the broken girl**__**  
**__**The one pushed aside by the cold, cold world**__**  
**__**You are**__**  
**__**Hear me when I say**__**  
**__**You're not the worthless they made you feel**__**  
**__**There is a Love they can never steal away**__**  
**__**You don't have to stay the broken girl, girl**__**  
**__**You don't have to stay the broken girl, girl**__**  
**__**You don't have to stay the broken girl**_

"I'm your boyfriend Rachel and I love you, I'll never leave you again Rachel and I want to help you see how amazing you are. I want to help you get better," Puck whispered wiping away the tears that were streaming down Rachel's face.

"Thank you," Rachel whispered as she sobbed, wrapping her arms around Noah's neck and crying into his shoulder.

**A/N like it please review :)**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N I own nothing! So I am not going on that vacation anymore :( so I will be updating like usual. Thanks for all the birthday wishes, I had an amazing day!**

Chapter 16

A week after Noah had sung to her, Rachel decided she needed to hide her sadness when she was around her friends, boyfriend and daddy and only ever cry when she was safely tucked into her bed at night. When Hiram told Rachel that Jack's trail was in three days, Rachel showed very little emotion and went to school like nothing had happened. However, when night time came around and her daddy was asleep she sobbed into her pillows after inflicting deep cuts on her thighs. As she cried into her pillow, Rachel couldn't stop the flashbacks even though she tried.

_Flashback_

"_Where have you been?" Jack demanded as soon as Rachel walked into the apartment a few minutes late from school._

"_S-sorry Jack the buses rain late…" Rachel whispered with fear lacing her voice… she knew she couldn't stop what was about to happen and Leroy just wouldn't._

"_What have I told you, you little bitch?" Jack spat gripping Rachel by the arm and throwing her into the wall with a bang making Leroy come out of the kitchen and into the lounge room where he saw his boyfriend's hands wrapped around his daughter's neck, "Naughty girl, bad girl!" Jack sneered into her ear as he choked Rachel._

"_S-Stop," Rachel gasped out, desperately seeking air but Jack just removed his hands and replaced them with his forearm pining her to the wall by her throat._

"_I hate you, you know that you fucking brat?" Jack laughed lowly in her ear before pulling a fist back and punching Rachel in the cheek bone, "Fuck off," Jack growled, releasing her but not before throwing her onto the floor and walking over her like she was a piece of trash in his way._

_End flashback_

"Why didn't you ever protect me dad?" Rachel asked the empty room wishing she could demand an answer from Leroy, "Why wouldn't you?"

XXXXX

Walking into school the next day Rachel remained quiet… Rachel was many things and quiet wasn't one of them… well it never used to be. Seeing Noah waiting at her locker, Rachel placed a smile on her face and leaned up to kiss him softly on the lips.

"Your dad rang me Rach," Puck whispered into her ear and Rachel tensed, turning away from her love and began to work the lock on her locker, "Why didn't you tell me?" Puck asked sounding a little hurt.

"I-I don't want to talk about it Noah, please." Rachel told him and glanced up to stare into his hazel eyes.

Seeing the range of emotions his girlfriend was feeling flash through her eyes, Puck nodded and pressed a gentle kiss to her temple.

"I'm always here for you Rachel." Puck reminded Rachel before kissing her on the lips once more and then waited patiently for her to grab and exchange her textbooks.

XXXXX

The day flew by fast and before Rachel knew it she was sitting in the choir room waiting for Mr Shuester to arrive. Smiling gently up at Quinn who sat next to her, Rachel turned her attentions to concentrating on a spot on the wall trying her best to push down her sadness and anxiousness that she felt surrounding Jack's trail. When Mr Shuester walked into the choir room Rachel raised her hand surprising everyone including Noah.

"I have something I'd like to sing," Rachel announced to the teacher and the rest of the class and Mr Shuester smiled softly loving when Rachel graced them with her voice.

"We'd love to hear you," The older teacher grinned, talking a seat next to Finn as Rachel walked to stand in the middle of the room.

"I've never tried to rap before so forgive me if I'm horrible," Rachel mumbled and began to sing, blowing everyone away.

_**I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive**__**  
**__**I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise**__**  
**__**To fly**__**  
**__**To fly**__****_

_**I wish today it will rain all day**__**  
**__**Maybe that will kinda make the pain go away**__**  
**__**Trying to forgive you for abandoning me**__**  
**__**Praying but I think I'm still an angel away**__**  
**__**Angel away, yeah strange in a way**__**  
**__**Maybe that is why I chase strangers away**__**  
**__**They got their guns out aiming at me**__**  
**__**But I become Neo when they're aiming at me**__**  
**__**Me, me, me against them**__**  
**__**Me against enemies, me against friends**__**  
**__**Somehow they both seem to become one**__**  
**__**A sea full of sharks and they all smell blood**__**  
**__**They start coming and I start rising**__**  
**__**Must be surprising, I'm just surmising**__**  
**__**I win, thrive, soar, higher, higher, higher**__**  
**__**More fire**__****_

_**I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive**__**  
**__**I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise**__**  
**__**To fly**__**  
**__**To fly**__****_

_**Everybody wanna try to box me in**__**  
**__**Suffocating every time it locks me in**__**  
**__**Paint their own pictures then they crop me in**__**  
**__**But I will remain where the top begins**__**  
**__**Cause I am not a word, I am not a line**__**  
**__**I am not a girl that can ever be defined**__**  
**__**I am not fly, I am levitation**__**  
**__**I represent an entire generation**__**  
**__**I hear the criticism loud and clear**__**  
**__**That is how I know that the time is near**__**  
**__**So we become alive in a time of fear**__**  
**__**And I ain't got no motherfucking time to spare**__**  
**__**Cry my eyes out for days upon days**__**  
**__**Such a heavy burden placed upon me**__**  
**__**But when you go hard your nay's become yay's**__**  
**__**Yankee Stadium with Jay's and Kanye's**__****_

_**I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive**__**  
**__**I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise**__**  
**__**To fly**__**  
**__**To fly**__**  
**_

_****__**Get ready for it**__**  
**__**Get ready for it**__**  
**__**Get ready for it**__**  
**__**I came to win**__**  
**__**Get ready for it**__**  
**__**Get ready for it**__**  
**__**Get ready for it**__**  
**__**I came to win**__****_

_**I came to win, to fight, to conquer, to thrive**__**  
**__**I came to win, to survive, to prosper, to rise**__**  
**__**To fly**__**  
**__**To fly**_

"Is there anything you can't do? That was amazing," Mr Shuester praised saying what everyone else in the room was thinking.

_I can't stop hurting myself…_ Rachel thought bitterly but plastered on her fake smile that only Noah could tell she was wearing.

"Thank you," Rachel blushed and took her seat again not noticing that Noah was staring at her intently.

XXXXX

"You're my girlfriend and I love you, talk to me." Puck told Rachel once they were alone in her bedroom; he had told he was dropping her off after school and insisted on staying.

"I'm fine Noah there is nothing to talk about," Rachel lied but Noah saw straight through her lies.

"Baby it's me you're talking to, I _know_ you Rachel, I _love _you… talk to me I _want_ to _**help**_ you." Puck whispered taking her hand and bringing it to his lips, laying a tender kiss to her knuckles.

"I'm scared," Rachel whispered so quietly that Noah nearly missed it, "I'm so scared," She repeated, her bottom lip trembling in fear and sadness.

"Why Rach?" Puck asked and Rachel let a tear fall down her cheek only for Noah to cup her face and wipe her stray tear away with his thumb.

"I'm scared that he won't be punished… that he'll get away with it and then come and find me… hurt me."

"Never," Puck growled darkly, eyes growing darker at the thought of that thing hurting his love again, "I won't let him hurt you again Rachel I promise you." Puck vowed and Rachel looked into Noah's eyes and for the first time in ages, she believed that Jack wouldn't hurt her again… simply because Noah, her Noah, wouldn't let him.

"I love you," Rachel whispered pressing a kiss to his lips gently.

"I love you more," Puck mumbled back and kissed her again, "So much,"

Nodding, Rachel wrapped her arms around his neck as Noah pulled her into his lap and pressed gently kisses up and down her neck and just behind her ear,

"I've got you…" Puck whispered and as Rachel clung to Noah tears spilling from her eyes she realised that in order to get better, in order to make sure that her abuse doesn't kill her, she needs to let this amazing, wonder man into her heart and into her head… and even though that thought terrified her, Rachel knew she would do this because she loved Noah and she wanted, more than anything in this world, to finally rid Jack and her abuse from her heart, mind and soul once and for all.

**A/N trail results up next and maybe some Puckleberry loving… reviews guys :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N I own nothing! So I looked up punishment for child abuse in New York and I couldn't find a conclusive answer so I am only making this up…**

Chapter 17

When Hiram got the call from Rachel's lawyers back in New York informing the older man of the results of the trail Noah was there holding onto Rachel's hand. Watching her daddy have a hushed discussion before saying his goodbyes, Rachel held her breath as she waited for the new that would affect her and her family.

"Rachel…" Hiram whispered and Rachel knew straight away that the sentence, if he even received one, wasn't very good. "He only got two years in jail but that's the maximum sentence for child abuse in New York…"

"Only two years?" Puck asked anger lacing his voice.

"Yes I'm afraid so Noah…" Hiram whispered feeling sick to his stomach at the lack of punishment that evil man received.

"Are you okay baby?" Puck asked Rachel pushing a piece of stray hair behind her ear and Rachel nodded slowly.

"We're going to be late for school." Rachel whispered breaking her staring competition with a spot on the wall and turned to face Noah, "We should go."

"Rachel you don't have to go to school today sweetie." Hiram whispered but Rachel just shook her head, stood up and collected her bag before leaving the apartment.

"I'll look out for her." Puck whispered and after shaking Hiram's hand, Puck collected his own backpack and chased after Rachel.

XXXXX

As Puck and Rachel sat in Noah's truck on the way to school Puck interlaced his free hand with his girlfriend's and gently squeezed.

"You know you're safe no matter what." Puck told her and Rachel nodded before looking away and resting her head against the window trying desperately not to cry.

XXXXX

Rachel was quiet for the entire day at school and when Quinn and Santana asked Puck what was going on he decided to be honest with them.

"Two years are you fucking kidding me?" Santana asked with a pained look on her face.

"He deserves life in jail." Quinn mumbled feeling both angry and sad for her friend, "The amount of pain that evil man put her through-," Quinn cut herself off as she closed her eyes trying to get the images she had created out of her head, "He deserves to rot!"

"He deserves to get the crap beat out of him like he did to Rachel… who knows maybe he'll get hurt in jail prisoners don't like child abuses." Puck told the girls and was a little surprised when Quinn started crying.

"H-He hurt her so m-much and this is his 'punishment'." Quinn barely manages out as Santana wraps her arms around the beautiful girl.

"Shh sweetie Rachel will be okay." Santana whispered.

"San's right Quinn I will be okay." Rachel whispered from the doorway having overheard everything… she had no idea how affect Quinn was by her problems.

"Oh Rachie," Quinn whispered running over to Rachel and wrapping her arms around her friend, "I am so sorry for leaving you Rachel." Quinn whispered her own guilt pouring out and Rachel buried her head into Quinn's neck and sobbed.

"I forgive you Quinn I promise you I do… I know how much you love me." Rachel whispered and that just set Quinn off even more, as the two girls sobbed in each other's arms while Santana and Noah looked on.

XXXXX

Rachel, Santana and Quinn all sat in the choir room after Noah gave them some space for the girls to come to terms with Jack's punishment.

"I-I guess it's only fair… I mean he only did this to me for a year and a half…" Rachel whispered trying to make herself feel better about the punishment.

"You didn't deserve any of that shit B, he deserves life… but I guess jail time beats no jail time." Santana mumbled as she hugged Rachel.

"I forgive you girls you know that right? You can stop punishing yourself." Rachel whispered and Santana and Quinn both began to tear up.

"W-We love you so much Rachie and the thought that he was hurting you while we were ignoring you… to be honest, I don't think I'll ever get over that." Santana whispered letting her tears falls down her cheeks.

"Same." Quinn agreed and clung to Rachel tightly.

"Never leave me again though…" Rachel mumbled and it cut Quinn and Santana to the core.

"We will never leave you Rachel." Santana and Quinn promised at the same time with such raw honesty in their voices, "Promise."

XXXXX

That night as Rachel laid in her bed her mind couldn't help but drift back to the first time she ever met Jack. He seemed so sweet and lovely… he was handsome and he made her dad smile again. She thought he would be a perfect addition to her new life in New York… she sobbed into her pillow when she thought how wrong she had been.

XXXXX

That weekend after Rachel had found out Jack's sentence she was awaken at 10am by Noah Puckerman knocking on her bedroom door.

"What are you doing here?" Rachel mumbled and Puck leaned down and kissed her on the lips not caring about her morning breath.

"I'm here for a movie day date… I hired out all your favourite Barbra Streisand movies and musicals. I brought your favourite ice cream and some chips, your dad is going to be with his friend's for the day so we have the whole house to ourselves so you can tell me anything you have to say or we can just watch movies and I'll pretend not to be bored." Puck joked and Rachel smiled up at him with a real smile.

"You know how to make a girl feel special… when her world is so shitty." Rachel mumbled and kissed him on the lips, "That sounds perfect Noah." Rachel whispered and giggled when Noah picked her up bridal style and carried her out to the empty lounge room and dropped on the couch.

**A/N smut next chapter? The choice is yours… review :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N I own nothing! Like I said I couldn't get a conclusive answer for the sentencing for this crime in New York… but in 2007 (according to the internet) the maximum sentence was a year so Jack's sentence was higher than it was five years ago.**

Chapter 18

Rachel and Noah cuddled on the couch for what felt like days and Rachel cherished every moment of it. When she was with Noah, her Noah, she felt loved and safe; like her whole world wasn't in a shamble… though Rachel was starting to think that since Jack has been sentence maybe it is time for her to start trying to move on with her life and finally stop using cutting as a method of coping and actually listen to Nicole's advice. Sighing, Rachel placed her hand on Noah's stomach and began to trace random shapes onto his shirt; Puck leaned down and kissed her head.

"I could get used to this," Puck mumbled matter of factly with a smile on his face.

"Get used to what?" Rachel whispered pressing a kiss to his covered stomach.

"Being with you all day, cuddling and shit… just us," Puck replied and Rachel blushed.

"I honestly don't know why I'm so fucked up," Rachel whispered pulling away from Noah only for Puck to cup her face with his hands and bring her mouth to his in a loving kiss.

"You are perfect Rachel, perfect for me and you are so loved." Puck whispered against their lips and Rachel let a tear fall from her eyes not bothering to hide her emotions around Noah, "Stop that baby, don't cry." Puck mumbled wiping her tears away quickly with the back of his thumbs.

"I-I just I love you so much Noah," Rachel told her and wrapped her arms around his neck, "You make me smile and not a fake one, my real one." Rachel whispered and Puck kissed her again.

"Love you too baby." Puck replied honestly pushing a stray piece of her hair behind her ears and kissed the tip of her nose.

"I-I want to show you them…" Rachel whispered so quietly that Puck missed what she said, "I want you to see them… my scars." She repeated when Puck asked her again.

"Baby you don't have too," Puck told her knowing that this was a huge step for Rachel.

"I-I want to show you them all, I-I have to show someone, I want to show you." Rachel told him pulling out of Noah's embrace and stood up in front of him as he sat on the couch. "Don't judge," Rachel whispered tears pooling in her eyes as she removed her top and then her sweatpants leaving her in nothing but her panties.

"Rach," Puck whispered as his eyes scanned her body completely forgetting to ogle her bare breasts as his eyes watered at the sight of her scars. What really hurt Puck was that so many of them were still fresh, she was still hurting herself.

Staring at the scars that covered her thighs, the scars that graced random places on the skin of her belly and the sides near her hip bones Puck couldn't stop the tear that fell down his cheek. Reaching out, Puck began to trace the scars on Rachel's belly and leaned forward, pressing a small kiss to her self-inflicted injuries and Rachel grabbed onto Noah's mohawk her own tears falling down her cheeks as Puck pressed tiny kisses and butterfly kisses on and around her scarring.

"I'm hideous," Rachel whispered pulling back and wrapping her arms self-consciously around herself but Puck had none of that.

Quickly standing up, Puck cupped her face and kissed her in a way that Rachel had never been kissed before… he left her breathless.

"You are the most beautiful, most talent, sweetest, sexiest, smartest, compassionate, caring girl I have ever met Rachel. You are perfect." Puck whispered into her ear and kissed her once more, "So perfect."

"N-Noah," Rachel moaned when Puck gently cupped her left breast with the free hand that wasn't tangled in her hair and pinched gently at her nipple.

"And I love you more then you'll ever know," Puck added as he moved his mouth down and began to suck on her nipples, changing and swapping over to the other nipple as a random pace.

"Noah." Rachel moaned gripping onto his mohawk as Puck carried her back to her bedroom and laid her out like a buffet on her bed.

"I'm going to show you have sexy and beautiful I think you are." Puck whispered as he spread her thighs apart and placed his head between her thighs, licking and sucking on her clit.

"Noah!" Rachel exclaimed in pleasure.

"Mm so good," Puck moaned into her soaked pussy as he slid two fingers inside of her, curling them upwards until he felt her g-spot and began to fast but gentle rhythm.

"S-So good," Rachel moaned grabbing onto the tips of his mohawk desperately wanting to find her release.

Increasing the speed of his fingers, Puck began to lap at her clit quickly until Rachel thighs began to shake and tremble. With one last curl of his fingers, Puck felt Rachel's pussy tighten around his fingers before she exploded around his mouth and hand chanting out his name. He didn't even care that he came in his pants for the first time in years.

XXXXX

"You make me so happy Noah," Rachel whispered as the two of them lay in her bed after they had cleaned up with Noah's arm wrapped around Rachel's waist.

"You still do it don't you?" Puck whispered and Rachel tensed but after what they had just done, she decided to be honest with him.

"Yes," Rachel whispered ashamed and Puck tightened his grip around her.

"Why?" Puck asked sadly and Rachel began to cry.

"I-I just don't know how to handle things and w-when I hurt myself… I guess it just gives me a release." Rachel muttered and Puck began to whisper sweet things in her ear.

"You can always come to me Rach, you're my girlfriend I want to help you and I will never judge you," Puck told her sweetly after a moment of Rachel crying.

"I know I guess I'm just so used to it." Rachel admitted and Puck couldn't stop himself from asking.

"Why did you start?"

Sighing, Rachel breathed out heavily before answering,

"Because, because I wanted to decide where my next scar went instead of him doing it for me," Rachel told him honestly and with no emotion in her voice.

"Next time you feel like that call me and I'll be straight over Rachel… he won't ever hurt you again." Puck vowed with tears in his eyes and Rachel turned to face him.

"Okay," She whispered quietly, wiping Noah's tears away before kissing him lovingly on the lips and rested her head onto his bare chest, "Okay."

**A/N like please REVIEW :)**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N I own nothing! Just letting you guys know that after I've wrapped up my current multi chapter stories I WILL be uploading another puckleberry multi chapter story! It's a different sort of prompt and I love it! But anyways on to this story…**

Chapter 19

The day Rachel had been dreading happened two weeks after she had shown Noah's her scars. Being pulled from her sleep, Rachel heard the sound of a voice she'd never ever forget… her dad.

"How dare you just turn up here and expect to see my baby girl after everything you let that horrible man put her through!" Hiram whispered harshly not wanting Rachel to wake up little did he know she was already wide awake listening to every word.

"I've come here to tell her how sorry I am, how horrible I feel…" Leroy whispered regret clearing evident in his tone and expression on his face but Hiram looked passed it.

"_**You let**_ him _**hurt**_ my baby for nearly two years! _**Two**_! And now you expect to come back into her life say I'm sorry and be her dad again… you had your chance to be her father the first time you found out Jack was hitting her and you chose a man over your daughter's wellbeing!" Hiram yelled not realising how loud his voice was becoming.

"I-I'm-," Leroy was speechless, no one had ever said it too him like Hiram had.

"Get out; leave before Rachel knows you were here." Hiram spat and Leroy looked sadly into his ex-husband's eyes.

"I am so sorry Hiram." Leroy mumbled quietly before he turned and walked away.

Closing the door behind him, Hiram was snapped from his own thoughts when he heard the sound of Rachel sobbing in her bedroom. Bolting from his spot, Hiram dashed to his daughter's room to see her in the middle of her bed with tears streaming from her eyes.

"H-He can't just expect everything to be okay!" Rachel shrieked to her daddy who was instantly by her side, cradling her in his arms.

"I promise you, they'll never hurt you again…" Hiram whispered and Rachel froze.

For the first time it really hit her, not only did Jack hurt her but her own father did as well by allowing it to happen; this thought just made Rachel sob even harder.

XXXXX

"Is it weird that I want to see him again?" Rachel asked Noah as the two of them sat on the bleachers as they ate their lunch together.

"See who?" Puck asked with a mouthful of food.

"My dad… Leroy," Rachel mumbled and Puck swallowed before answering.

"Not really… I mean, sometimes I wanna see my dad even if it is just to punch him in the face." Puck admitted and Rachel interlaced their hands.

"I don't want to harm him I just want to ask him why he never protected me," Rachel confessed quietly and Puck's heart broke for his girlfriend, "I mean did I do something wrong?" Rachel asked and Puck kissed her gently.

"You did nothing wrong, your dad was meant to be protecting you not allowing someone to hurt you, it's their fault." Puck reassured her and Rachel nodded believing Noah's words.

"I feel like I'm getting better… I mean I no longer harm myself because I always call you or Nicole. I don't want to die anymore because I've realised I have so much more life to live… but it always feels the same. Whenever I'm getting better, something happens to ruin it." Rachel sighed and Puck kissed her cheek.

"You've come a long way over just two weeks Rach that is something to be proud of. But just because you're getting better doesn't mean you won't have your bad days and when you do that's when me, Hiram, Santana, Quinn and Nicole step in to help you."

"I don't understand what Leroy expected when he came by our house, did he expect me to forgive him and leave daddy to go back to New York with him?" Rachel asked trying to figure out her father.

"Who knows baby." Puck replied not knowing what to say.

"I love being back in Lima… I feel safe here." Rachel whispered looking into Noah's eyes.

"I love having you back here," Puck replied before leaning down and claiming Rachel's lips, "I love you Rach."

"I love you too Noah." Rachel replied before gently running her fingers against the stubble on his jaw line, "So much."

**A/N short chapter but we haven't seen the last of Leroy! What would you like to see happen to him? REVIEWS PLEASE :)**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N I own nothing! So last chapter guys thank you for taking this journey with Puck and Rachel! I wasn't planning on finishing it now but I have started to have massive writers block plus I wanted to wrap this up so I can start working on new Puckleberry stories but this chapter will be a touching one that's for sure!**

Chapter 20

It had been one year. One year nearly to the day that Rachel attempted to take her own life and things were certainly different. Firstly, Rachel was safe she was safe from the abuse and torment that she suffered at the hands of her dad Leroy and his partner Jack for nearly two years. She was living with her daddy Hiram who would do anything and everything to make sure his little girl was forever safe. Secondly, Rachel was happy. Something Rachel thought would never happen to her again; something she thought she'd never get to feel ever again. When she smiled she would smile a real smile, a Berry smile… her smile and not a fake, show smile. Her smile would always touch her eyes and show the outside world that she, Rachel Barbra Berry, was finally happy. Thirdly, she had Santana and Quinn back. She had her best friends, her sisters once more. She had their support and their love. She had their friendship and their guidance. She knew that if she was having a bad day that she could always call one of them and they would always answer. That she could laugh, sing and make up silly dances with them; she knew that she could be an average teenager without the dark past with them. But lastly, she had Noah, her Noah; her boyfriend and the love of her life. The man who caught her as she was falling, the man who loved her unconditionally, the man who protected her, who made her feel beautiful and sexy all at once. The man who made her smile and knowing that she was everything to him made it even more amazing to her. Knowing that he would be just as lost if she should suddenly leave like she would be if he disappeared. For the first time in two years, Rachel felt like her life was where it should be. She was a beautiful 18 year old girl in her senior year with her whole life ahead of her; with her daddy, friends and a boyfriend who all loved her unconditionally.

Pulling herself from her thoughts, Rachel stared at her naked body as she got ready for Noah's birthday party; and looked at the scars that covered her body. She touched them gently and couldn't stop the tear that fell slowly down her cheek but also the proud, small smile that graced her beautiful face. Ever since she had shown Noah her scars she hadn't cut herself since and that was just under a year ago. She was proud of herself for not giving into the constant temptation that was to harm herself, to release her sadness in the unhealthiest of ways. It wasn't easy, far from it. She had several near misses but she always managed to drop the razor and replace it with her phone calling Noah, Santana or Quinn and talking about how she was feeling instead of running away and trying to deal with it by herself.

Slipping on the black lace pantie and bra set that she brought just for today, Rachel slipped on her red, flowy dress that cut off just above knee height and began to apply natural make-up and curled her hair. Putting on her black ballet flats, Rachel studied her appearance once more and smiled at her reflection before she grabbed her hand bag and Noah's present off her bed and headed out to the lounge room to say goodbye to her daddy.

XXXXX

Arriving at the Puckerman's house, Rachel smiled when Noah told her that it would just be him and her at the house all night since that is what he wanted for his birthday and his mother eventually agreed. Getting out of her car, Rachel walked up to the front door and before she could even knock, Noah had flung it open and taken her in his arms kissing her deeply.

"Happy birthday Noah," Rachel whispered against his lips and Puck smirked.

"Thanks baby." Puck replied kissing her once more before frowning, "I told you no presents, you're my present."

"Noah I am hardly a present." Rachel rolled her eyes, walking into the house and dropping her hand bag down on the couch, "You deserve an actual present." Rachel added handing him over the wrapped gift.

"Baby you are my present." Puck whispered closing the door as he walked closer to Rachel and cupped her face, "Around this time last year I thought I'd never see you again," Puck whispered sadly and Rachel's breath caught in her throat not realising how much the attempt on her life still affected him.

"Noah," Rachel whispered kissing him once more gently on the lips, "I'm so sorry that I put everyone through that, that I put you through that." Rachel mumbled and Puck shook his head.

"I know you were hurting baby as long as you don't do it again…" Puck replied softly and Rachel nodded knowing now that she always had other options then to end her life… everyone did.

"I promise." Rachel smiled kissing him gently before pulling away, "Still, you should open it." Rachel grinned and Puck rolled her eyes playfully but happily agreed.

Opening up the small box, Puck's eyes popped out of his head when he saw what Rachel had gotten him… gotten them.

"Rach?" Puck whispered not quite believing it.

"Do you like it?" Rachel asked nervously and Puck kissed her deeply in his response.

"How did you afford this?" Puck asked as he glanced at the apartment lease in LA now in his hands with three months' rent already paid in full.

"Working, BreadStixs had excellent tippers." Rachel laughed, "And we've both been accepted into UCLA Noah and we both know that I'm not ready to go back to New York just yet even though I've been accepted into NYU… so I thought we should move to LA and start our lives there and then wherever the future takes us…" Rachel trailed off and Puck smiled knowing Rachel knew how badly he wanted to live in LA for a while.

"You are perfect you know that?" Puck kissed her once more.

"I just wanted you to know that I think of you just as much as you think of me and that I love you just the same. Plus, Santana thinks I'd have a good shot maybe getting parts on TV for the quirky girl next door so who knows?" Rachel smiled proudly.

"Second best birthday present ever baby… nothing can ever beat you being here with me." Puck told her seriously and Rachel blushed back sat on his lap when he put the lease to their apartment down on the coffee table beside the couch and kissed him gently.

"Wanna do it on the couch?" Rachel whispered with a cheeky grin and Puck laughed knowing she was only doing this for him because it was his birthday.

"Yep," Was all Puck responded before he kissed her deeply, picking her up before laying her gently back down on the couch and they both went into a frenzy, removing each other's clothing until Rachel was only in her panties and Noah in his boxers.

Even though the two of them had been intimate with each other many, many times since she arrived back to Liam; Rachel was still slightly embarrassed when he stared at her scars. Seeing Rachel's arms about to go down to hide her scars, Puck shook his head and kissed her neck.

"Don't hide from me Rachel, you are beautiful." Puck whispered and Rachel moaned at his words before drifting her hand down his torso and into his boxers and began to stroke his already hard cock, swirling her thumb at the head already feeling the wetness of his pre-cum.

"I love you Noah." Rachel whispered and Puck thrusted into her hand when she pumped his cock a little faster and harder.

"Love you too." Puck moaned before pulling back slightly letting Rachel's hand fall out of his boxers and quickly disposed of the last two items of clothing that were stopping him and Rachel from being together in the most pleasurable way. Rubbing at her clit a few times, Puck moaned when he felt how wet and ready she was and grabbed her thighs and she hooked them around his waist as he thrusted into her tight pussy both moaning at the feel of one another around or inside them.

"So good," Rachel moaned rolling her hips and Puck took the hint and began to thrust in and out of his beautiful girlfriend, moaning and chanting her name as he went.

"Love you," Puck whispered against her mouth as his hand wondered down to her clit and began to rub and flick it quickly making Rachel's thighs begin to quiver with her impending orgasm.

"Noah!" Rachel shouted as she came hard around his cock, clinging to Noah's back as she felt his thrusts increase as he chased his own release.

"Fuck, baby gunna cum." Puck moaned, kissing her neck as he pounded into her faster and faster before cumming hard and long deep inside of Rachel spending Rachel into another orgasm as she felt him spurting his hot cum inside of her.

Pulling out, Rachel whimpered at the loss of contact and Puck kissed her once more before passing Rachel her panties while he put his boxers back on.

"That was perfect Noah." Rachel whispered and Puck smirked, "Happy birthday."

"Thanks baby, seriously the best one I've ever had." Puck whispered sincerely and Rachel blushed but kissed him once more.

"I promise Noah you'll have many, many more just like it. You and I forever." Rachel vowed and Puck nodded his agreement.

"Always,"

Rachel may not have had the best beginning but she was certain that she would have an amazing middle and end.

**A/N I hope you guys enjoyed this story because I loved writing it! Please review :)**


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